Diamonds in the Sky with Lucy

Changing the World

2012-01-26T08:24:00.000-08:00

"When we work at solving our own problems, we've already made a contribution to solving the problems around us." Adrienne Howley, The Naked Buddha

Never underestimate your personal power to change the world. I sit here today wrapped in the wonder and awe of seemingly inconsequential acts and moments that—taken alone—might appear to have no impact in the world. I'm talking about random happenings... acts offered in kindness and received in silence.

As I was writing my new book, there were days when I wondered what the heck am I doing? Is it all worth it? Is this self-serving? Why go through the agony and potential embarrassment of putting myself out into the world? I went through a similar process in my early blogging phase when I was so obsessed with readership and comments that I nearly went apoplectic with the highs and lows of others responses. Ultimately, I decided to turn off my stat counters and return to the core of why I was writing.

Both with the book and the blog, my mantra for moving forward was often: If this impacts even one person for good, then it is all worth it. Many days I broke it down so small that I was the one person to be impacted... With the blog there were dry periods when writing was slow and other times when it seemed too raw and private to print. Nevertheless, I kept plodding away. In recent months as I've pondered my online presence, I've considered whether or not to combine my "diamonds:" this one ("in the sky") and "diamonds in the soul" where I play for pay. Critics and marketing gurus say we should have a brand or a look that people associate with us. Their wisdom might also pose that having a blog still operating with a "blogspot" address (i.e. not customized) is the kiss of death. Again, I ask: Why am I writing and who is it for? Bottom line - I write to discover what I know, and this forum has been the place where I continue growing in my knowing. "lucy" gave me back my voice and allowed me space to ponder to my heart's content without the pressure of "being professional" or following a neatly designed brand. That is one reason why lucy is staying right here.

The 2nd reason circles back to my original statement: Never underestimate your power to change the world. This morning, a longtime reader (and sometime commenter) revealed to me that this blog had been a catalyst in moving him toward a life-changing experience. This blog. Right here, folks. My girl, lucy. I am amazed, inspired and grateful for that revelation. It helped me remember that no act (or blog) is too small (or uncool) to manifest goodness. My goal continues to be toward my own personal growth and discovery... and if it happens to catch someone else in the process, Wow!... that's something to celebrate! I am abundantly grateful he shared. I am wildly delighted to be here. I am enchanted with this Universe that brings together random people and shifts small acts of authenticity toward magnificent goodness.

Today: How will you be the change you wish to see in the world? Perhaps one small act at a time? What if you believed that everything is connected and nothing is wasted? I do.

As I Lay Pondering: daily invitations to live a transformed life by Kayce S. Hughlett. Available here.

photos ©h3images.com (ruby beach, 12/30/11)

Magic never feels icky...

2012-01-23T09:51:00.001-08:00

Don’t exchange your comfort zone for an icky zone and confuse that with moving toward magic. Magic NEVER feels icky! Exhilarating? Yes. Scary? Probably. But never icky. My pondering juices started flowing yesterday morning when I read two articles on yoga and how most people shouldn’t even be doing it. Many folks have jumped into yoga as the latest health fad without relying on the wisdom of listening to their bodies... A repeating result is that they end up injured and upset rather than invigorated and enlightened. My pondering continued as I had a discussion with a very wise friend around a diagram shared on Facebook which suggests one needs to move out of the comfort zone to find magic. While I heartily agree with this sentiment, I decided to create a slightly revised version (see diagram) and shall repeat: Don’t exchange your comfort zone for an icky zone and confuse that with moving toward magic.

Magic doesn’t feel icky. Like in yoga, if a pose feels bad or harmful (icky), back off! We are a culture of strivers. This means we put strenuous efforts toward our goals. We struggle vigorously in opposition and resistance. How magical does that sound or feel in your body? It resonates downright icky to me. Magic isn’t about striving nor is it always comfortable getting there. Magic movement is about operating in that sweet spot between icky and complacently comfortable (“Comfortably Numb," anyone?) In this discussion, comfortable speaks of familiarity... but is familiar always comfortable? It’s reasonably predictable, but is it satisfying and fulfilling?

So here’s a super simple example from my childhood of moving out of the comfort zone. When I was a kid, I only ate what I “liked” ... that is I ate what I knew I liked, because I was afraid of eating something that might taste yucky (a close cousin to icky). It seems ridiculous now, but it was a big deal as a child. My veggie comfort zone was potatoes, corn and an occasional carrot. No greens. No salad. Lots of starch. This went on for years until one evening I went to a fancy restaurant with friends and the dinner came with salad. Yikes! What was my 12-year-old-self to do? At home I could have refused the plate of greens, but here I was in public with generous hosts and an inner voice that encouraged me to not be rude. Small as it may sound now, it was a pivotal point in my risk-taking progress. My comfort zone shifted slightly that night. As we sat high above Oklahoma City in the upscale restaurant that slowly revolved as we dined, I decided it was less uncomfortable to eat the salad than to stay in my existent comfort zone and be embarrassed by my salad aversion. A nice surprise happened that twilight evening as I risked moving out of my comfort zone. I discovered I love salad—really love it—and this morning I sit here sipping my green smoothie while I play with these words ☺.

Magic often comes by taking the smallest of steps out of the comfort zone—one toe in front of the other. (Like trying salad.) It’s not about replacing comfort with icky. Even though the greens might have tasted yucky, I was willing to take the risk, and my body didn’t feel icky doing it. (Nervous? Yes. A little scared? Probably. But not icky.) Moving toward magic comes from the place inside where you know the risk is greater to stay where you are than to move out of your current zone. It’s the tiny step where moving toward your dream feels better than staying in the shell. Movement is the magic.

Where will you risk stepping out of the comfort zone today? What "salad" is ready to go on our plate? If you need a little push, let me know! ☺

As I Lay Pondering: daily invitations to live a transformed life by Kayce S. Hughlett. Available here.

diagram © 2012, Kayce S. Hughlett

BE Yourself

2012-01-20T10:32:00.000-08:00

“Simply the thing that I am shall make me live.” William Shakespeare

This morning I’ve been pondering how much I miss interacting with the blogging community on a regular basis. Alongside this musing, come reflections on the level of inspiration its writers and readers have provided me over the years. I’ve visited the blogosphere on a less regular basis in past months—the catalyst being my blog reader disintegrating alongside other activities and life events. In deep and indelible ways, however, blogging stays with me through the words and thoughts I’ve breathed in over the years. It never really leaves, even when I feign absence. I have deeply missed the daily, evocative conversation with people around the world. It’s very different (and less-fulfilling) than quick Facebook status updates or super-fast Tweets (which I'm still resisting).

With the beginning of 2012, I find myself in a space that feels very different from years past. My pathway seems less clear or defined, and my soul is generously content with the lack of definition. At the launch of each new year, I choose a word as a gentle guide and focus for the coming months. The word that chose me this year is BE.

While BE is a word that’s shown up in numerous previous ways, it was nonetheless the one that kept bubbling to the top of my awareness as year’s end approached. It’s a provocative word and one that’s easily accessorized with other descriptors: Be yourself; Be present; Be still... It is proving to be an interesting challenge and something to be noted on a moment-by-moment basis. Lately I have been somewhat obsessed with the fruition of a long-time dream... the publication of my new book, As I Lay Pondering. I am wordless at how this experience is impacting me, and realize the extreme need to simply BE in it.

There are so many things to be done, learned and experienced in this unveiling. It is not only revealing my words and thoughts to the world, but also offering a whole new way for me to BE.. and even that statement leaves me wordless.

So what can I say? What do I know? Well... What I know this moment—right now—is that I am eternally grateful for the community that has followed and supported this blog (and me) for the past several years. Without you, As I Lay Pondering would not exist. Without you, it would be more difficult for me to BE myself. Thank you for coming to this space where I can simply be me. My hope always is that you leave here feeling a little more you. ☺

When pigs fly...

2012-01-12T11:29:00.000-08:00

...As I Lay Pondering: daily invitations to live a transformed life will be released... SOON!

My book making has cut into my writing time. Go figure! But the date is swiftly approaching when you, too, will be able to hold in your hands the magic and mystery of such delightful treasures as the tale of Pedrita, the flying pig.

"This fresh and innovative daybook hints of a memoir, reads as a guidebook, and resonates with the human experience. Each entry conjures the ineffable with soulful specifics—some tiny and concrete, others dreamily unreal—always seamlessly present. It is no heavy-handed moral guide to self-improvement; rather it is an invitation into the bigness of life. Filled with inspiration and simple activities to deepen the pathway to presence, it is the ideal companion for any transformational journey." -from the cover of As I Lay Pondering

"oxygen for the soul and a gold mine of inspiration!" Pedro. F. Báez - poet and transformational life coach

Order your copy today!!! Link accepts either Paypal or your preferred credit card.

photo © courtesy of Bill Hughlett

What's that book really about?

2011-12-30T20:45:00.000-08:00

One of my favorite ways to write is to begin with a quote, prompt or random thought then pick up my composition notebook (aka journal), a Bic pen (when my fountain pen isn't available) and see what pops out as I let the words flow. In the wisdom of Flannery O'Connor "I write to discover what I know." Today's adventure began with a request from a friend who said, Tell me about your book.

As I Lay Pondering is basically my memoir broken down into daily loosely-disguised entries. It includes my most fantastic journeys right alongside the simplest moments. It encompasses tales of joy, sorrow, adventure, loss, dream fulfillment, pain, fear, love, laughter... Life. It covers psychology, theology, mythology, sociology and a few other 'ologies, I'm sure. I've been told it is educational, inspirational and at times just plain funny.

I began writing it before I knew it would be a book. It has been my lifeline (& one of my greatest challenges). It is something I couldn't NOT do and now I hope it will be something of value for others. Even though it's my story, I believe it is everyone's story. Who hasn't been lonely or lost... dreamed of grand adventure and dreams come true... cried, laughed, loved and longed to be still?

It's a book you can pick up at any time and likely find something relevant, if only a line or two. It includes ponderings from many of my greatest teachers... Buddah, the Bible, Tao te Ching, Anne Lamott, Thomas Merton, Martha Beck, friends, family, strangers, my beloved pets and more. I've loved writing it and can't wait to hold the completed product in my hands... I hope you'll feel the same way.

As I Lay Pondering: daily invitations to live a transformed life by Kayce S. Hughlett. Available here.

KSH @ Contemplating Ruby Beach 12.30.11

It's not too late...

2011-12-28T21:54:00.000-08:00

... to begin 2012 with a pondering companion. Imagine waking up on January 1 with a delightful guide to help start your year in presence. Pre-orders are open for As I Lay Pondering: daily invitations to live a transformed life.

Here's what others are saying...

"One of Kayce Stevens Hughlett’s many fine gifts is pondering, that is, reflecting on the depth and meaning of the moments of life. She offers us a treasure in her new book of daily meditations. They are full of wisdom and invitations for practice and your own ponderings. Just reading each one I find myself breathing more deeply and feeling space open up around me. Following her suggestions, my perspective begins to shift. Buy this book and immerse yourself in a year of grace.”-- Christine Valters Paintner, PhD, AbbeyoftheArts, author of: The Artist’s Rule: Nurturing Your Creative Soul with Monastic Wisdom

"This is a book unlike any other.

I was lucky enough to get a peek at some of the ponderings and wonderings and both content and style are exquisite, unabashedly riveting and exuberantly rich with philosophical, existential, metaphysical and theosophical inquiries, introspections, blueprint-of-life-approximations and gloriously rich, tender and funny personal insights." -- Pedro Baez,

(L)attitudes: A Life Coaching Alternative Life, Health, Creativity and Cultural Identity Coach

"Kayce arranges her musings into a year-long journey that not only deepens as it flows but also surprises – drawing this reader into an experience of freshness that spills over into the rest of life. And that’s a gift for which I am very grateful." Betsy Pearson, Like A River, Author and Martha Beck Life Coach

Twas the Month before Publishing or...

2011-12-22T06:47:00.000-08:00

... all I want for Christmas is my brand new book.

Twas the month before publishing and all through my head
visions of marketing filled me with dread.
The edits were flowing and input with care,
in hopes that my Pondering soon would be here.

The entries were nestled all snug in their months,
while thoughts of last details induced great goose bumps.
With pre-release launched and orders begun,
my brain marched steadily at a low-grade run.

When others exclaimed, “You’ve finished the book!”
My heart skipped a beat and I froze with a look...
It’s nearing the end, but details, my dear—
There’s much to be done before it is here.

With layouts and chapters, so lovely and thick,
I wavered a moment—this must be a trick.
More rapid than turtles, this dream true has come,
And I whistled, and shouted, “I can’t wait to be done!”

Now January, February, March through September,
Onward October, November and December!
To the top of the print line! To the edge of my risk!
Write away! Sell away! Celebrate this!!!

With love and blessings to you and yours during this holiday season!!!

Announcing my latest creation...

2011-12-20T20:50:00.001-08:00

As I Lay Pondering:
daily invitations to live a transformed life

Through personal story, poetic prose and tales of epic adventure, As I Lay Pondering captures the essence of being fully present to the inimitable experience of daily life. Sometimes in concrete terms and other moments with a dreamlike quality, this book of 365 daily entries invites us into parallel worlds where we come to believe anything is possible. Through luxurious text and engaging daily activities, the reader will experience a universe where heart speaks truth and presence conquers the hubbub of mere existence.

AVAILABLE EARLY 2012 - Order your personal copy today for just $19.95 and receive a PDF ebook with complete entries for the month of January. Enjoy this invitation to begin the new year Pondering.

PDF's will be emailed no later than December 31, 2011 and books will be shipped upon printing - estimated 1/31/12. FREE SHIPPING on orders over $60.

Author's Note:

To pause and ponder is to consider something—anything—deeply, often through meditation and always with the possibility of bringing greater meaning. Years in the making, As I Lay Pondering began as a venue for my own personal healing. What was birthed through a series of journal entries has morphed into this daybook of poetry, prose and personal musings with universal appeal.

My love of writing began in the midst of a particularly life-draining period of time. At that point in my journey, I had two choices. One—to let the current events swallow me whole and conceal my internal spark forever, or Two—to find my authentic voice by beginning to write. Writing chose me. Yes, you read that correctly. Writing chose me.

As I Lay Pondering is a culmination of this journey-to-date. I was compelled to write this book to honor the life-changing moments I have witnessed, and to acknowledge the internal spark I believe each of us carries. My hope is that the words shared in this thinking person's daybook will provide essential kindling to ignite the flame of your life. May you know the joy of following your own spark. May you be present to the life you have in order to experience the one you desire. May you pause and ponder—thoughtfully and often.

I am so excited to share this with you!

Thoughtfully yours,

Kayce

Vulnerable

2011-12-19T22:24:00.000-08:00

i keep trying to convince myself that this time of year isn't hard and by acknowledging and understanding that it is a challenge, things might get a little easier. easier? no. different? probably. more transparent? definitely.

i am uninspired by christmas - by giving - by shopping or thinking of things to be inspired by. i am inspired by twinkling lights in the dark of night. by solitary walks. by offbeat christmas songs. i am inspired by those with the vulnerability to state their grief over the loss of loved ones and dashed dreams. i am inspired by the quirky characters who find rest and joy only at this time of year. in this moment, i am uninspired by my life which so many find inspiring. i have two children that make me scream, WTF? my husband adores me and he's out of town. i meant to bake this year - to decorate - to fill my house with holiday soirees. it has not happened and will not, because i am uninspired.

please know i am not depressed or in need of medical attention. i am a member of the human race who finds this time of year confusing. it is confusing and empty in lots of regards. "they" say it should be joyous and filled with light. it is the darkest time of year—literally. the question of "will your family be all together for the holiday?" brought tears to my eyes this morning, because we will not. a book i've dreamed of for years is nearing the final stages. it is my current delight and it is harder than hell to finish...so many details. my urge for perfection rises to the top... and it is my saving grace. i can quietly sit for hours and edit comments... incorporating words and shaping them into the song of my own making. i am grateful for those simple moments.

i wish i were full of good cheer today. i'd like to say the cards and packages are in the mail, the cookies are baked and the presents wrapped... maybe later... perhaps i'll be inspired next year.

Faith in the Night

2011-12-16T07:21:00.000-08:00

But darkness holds it all:
the shape and the flame,
the animal and myself,
how it holds them,
all powers, all sight –

and it is possible: its great strength
is breaking into my body.

I have faith in the night.

(excerpted from You Darkness, Rainer Maria Rilke translated by David Whyte)

I have faith in the night – the place where dreams meet and manifest. The flowing stream of wisdom, love and consciousness that drifts within and without me. Writing verse and prose...protection and protest...dreams and daring—all within the night.

I have faith that my book, As I Lay Pondering*, is happening—one step at a time. It sometimes moves at a snail’s sluggish pace and other stages burst forward with leaps of bravado and boldness.

I have faith in my life – that it is happening just as it should – could – would – is. Yes, just as it is.

*more details coming soon!!!!

For too many days...

2011-12-12T06:57:00.000-08:00

For too many days I have not written of what stirs my soul. I have not confessed to the simple pleasures that make up my days. Things like… The soft fur of my golden cat as he greets me with his purring ballet. Sweet whispers and the tender touch of my beloved. Crisp winter air on my skin as daylight meets dark. Luminaries surrounding the lake. Laughter of friends mixed with the jingle of Christmas bells and off-key carols. Twinkling lights amidst the smell of freshly cut evergreen. Gastronomical delights like chicken and waffles turned into art and fat luscious noodles from Tommy’s kitchen. My daughter sleeping safely in her bed. The joy of my sister as she creates her art. Magic and mystery. Music. Dance. Delight.

For too many days now I have not written of what darkens my heart. Frigid rain that persists and chills me to the core. An empty space beside me. Silent friendships and those gone stale. My child in a cold stone cell. Unanswered messages. Aimless thoughts. Hunger and starvation. Loneliness and longing.

For too many days now I haven’t written of Hope, the candle that leads my way – not like birthday flames on a resplendent cake, but rather the single shimmer in the darkest night. Hope in the midst of sorrow. Hope that stirs the pot of joy buried deep within my belly. Hope that gets me out of bed on the gloomiest days, and Hope that leads me like a floodlight on stage when I follow my true passion.

For too many days I have not written of this season that stirs my soul in a multitude of ways. This season of darkness. This season of Hope. In this glorious season may we each reach for peace within and goodwill toward all. May our souls be stirred with delight alongside the acknowledgement of darkness. May we come to know that Hope abides in all who choose to truly live.

For too many days I have not… How might you respond?

photo © KSH - Santa Fe Tree

Dilemma: Is authenticity book suicide?

2011-12-04T09:54:00.000-08:00

I ponder. I play. I muse. I write to discover what I know.

It’s always been a whole lot easier to write about life unedited in the privacy of my journal than put it out for all the world to see (and scrutinize). It’s considerably easier to let my pen flow unabashedly and discover what surprises, delights or terrifies me on the safe lines of my composition notebook than to share it in a public forum. Somewhere along the way, however (probably in said journal), the idea of a blog and ultimately a book began to emerge. Since then I’ve often battled the tricky space between writing to discover what I know and writing what I think, you, the reader might want to hear.

It’s a crazy balance, because when I get caught up in You, I lose Me. The wild thing is that experience has shown what my faithful readers seem to love most is the unedited, messy, transparent and authentic Me. The pieces that have landed home most often are not the carefully crafted, publisher-worthy submissions, but rather the scrawled and messy gems straight from my morning pages. So, what's a girl to do?

The performance pressure is mounting, since I’m in the final (sort of) publishing stages of my book (working title: Ponderings) and the promotion has begun (kind of.) My social self says that everything – every word, comma, spelling error, hairstyle, breakfast menu, social agenda, perfect turn of a phrase and more – is a commentary (pro or con) on this book. Please say it ain’t so…

If true, this poses quite the dilemma, because at this point I absolutely cannot stop myself from writing and this blog has always been the raw version of greater things to come. My inner being still yearns to toss these unedited, heart-inspired missiles out into the stratosphere to see where they may land. As I was journaling this morning, I remembered the lifeline and savior that writing has been for me. Putting my words onto paper and out into the world is the essential breath for living my authentic life.

Some will say that continuing to write in this way is book suicide. So be it. Others may say it’s brilliant and that’s why they’ll buy my published words. Fabulous. Bottom line, I will continue to do things my way which is the only way I know how to do it. As far as I can tell, it’s working for ME.

I ponder. I play. I muse. I write to discover what I know.

Tag the Tagline aka Help a Sister Out

2011-12-02T12:28:00.000-08:00

As you may or may not be aware, I am nearing the final stages for my new book which is a compilation of 365 daily reflections in the spirit of this blog. I'm so excited I can hardly stand it! Today, I am conducting a very brief survey to help refine the title and tagline for the book. Your input would be greatly welcomed.

As you select your choices, please focus on what Title and Tagline would encourage YOU to buy this book!

Here is a link to the survey - which will take no more than 7 minutes to complete. Thank you!!!

Tag the Tagline Survey

www.surveymonkey.com

40 Days of Kindness, Gratitude & Simple Acknowledgments

2011-11-28T10:04:00.000-08:00

“Gratitude bestows reverence, allowing us to encounter every day epiphanies, those transcendent moments of awe that change forever how we experience life and the world.” Sarah Ban Breathnach

Today is my beautiful friend, Mindy Stern Meiering’s, 40th birthday. I had the pleasure of spending a fabulous week with her this past summer where each day was filled with epiphanies, awe and transcendent moments. Last week Mindy made a request on Facebook that in honor of her big day, we do something kind for ourselves or someone else. That’s the special kind of person Mindy is, so I wanted to do something exceptional on her behalf.

Taking myself for a refreshing sunrise walk was a good start on a Monday morning, but I wanted to do something more lasting in honor of this delightful woman. So, while out wandering and pondering, I landed upon the idea of a gift of 40 Days of Kindness, Gratitude & Simple Acknowledgments. Care to join me?

For the next 40 days, I am committing to sending at least one random note of kindness to someone in my life. My hope is to do this the “old-fashioned way” via US postage when at all possible. I have a beautiful new “Blessings” diary that someone gifted me on my birthday and I will use it each day to record who, how and what I sent. My hunch is that there will be additional ponderings to record as an added benefit of this endeavor.

Since we have just celebrated the holiday of Thanksgiving here in the United States and are entering the season of Advent and Giving, I would like to invite you to join me in 40 Days of Kindness, Gratitude & Simple Acknowledgments – your way. Wouldn’t it be great to celebrate because we want to and not because we feel we should? Think about the ways you can acknowledge the people who have helped shape how you experience life and the world. How would you like to be honored? What does expressing gratitude look like for you? Sharing your gifts of photography or poetry? A quick Facebook "hello"? An "I've been thinking of you..." note? Random acts of kindness? Prayer or intention setting? The possibilities are only limited by your imagination, so start pondering and share what you come up with here and with others!

Stay tuned for my journey over the next 40 days and I look forward to hearing about yours, too. Spread the word. It could change the world!!

Namaste.

SoulCollage® et Moi

2011-10-12T09:27:00.000-07:00

This week I had the privilege of being featured in Anne Marie Bennett's newsletter, Soul Treasures. Learn more about her wonderful, Kaleidosoul program, here.... And read more about me below:

Feminine World

I am the pain of the world, covered with blue scarves & white.
I am the beauty of the world, bare-shouldered with upswept hair.
I am the fire of the world, burning with desire and hope.
I am the joy of the world, reaching toward the heavens.

I am the beauty of the world, bare-shouldered with upswept hair.
I am the luscious berry, bursting with flavor.
I am the joy of the world, reaching toward the heavens.
I am the soul of the world, centered through pain, beauty, touch and taste.

I am the luscious berry.
I am the fire of the world.
I am the soul of the world.
I am the pain of the world, covered with blue scarves & white.

© Kayce Stevens Hughlett

Soul Friends
The Voice of a Different Kindred Spirit Each Week

Kayce Stevens Hughlett
Seattle, WA

I attended my first official SoulCollage® workshop in December, 2007 although I was hooked by the process about a year earlier while attending a workshop called "Awakening the Creative Spirit." We did a larger mandala-type collage and then used it for several activities including a poetry writing exercise. In this exercise, we were invited to take phrases from a previous journaling process about the mandala and insert the words "I am" before the phrases. I can still feel the sense of wonder and connection as I spoke the words "I am." This became the poem that you see, above, and was my first recalled experience with "I am." It was incredibly powerful in its impact on my life - how I see myself and how I connect with the entire universe.

There happened to be a SoulCollage® facilitator (Maggie Yowell) in the workshop with me and she began to woo me toward the official process. Once I began making cards, I couldn't stop and in September, 2009 I went through Facilitator Training.

There are so many things I love about SoulCollage®. First and foremost is the simplicity. It is art and creativity in its most basic form. Growing up in an environment that didn't promote artistic endeavors, I quickly came to believe I wasn't creative or meant to do "art." My skills training basically ended with learning the color wheel and then being told I would be better served learning "practical" things like homemaking and accounting.

SoulCollage® allows me to step into my inner artist without judgment. I can get lost in the process and not worry about wasting resources or having a large messy project that didn't turn out like I imagined. My cards have become friends who I can call on at anytime. I make a practice of doing a reading at the beginning of the year as well as other times of transition. In my studio, I have a jeweled mobile where I can hang prints of my cards as daily reminders. Images have such a powerful voice and connect at a core level with a mere glimpse. My SoulCollageÂ® cards have given me the freedom to trust my inner guidance and offer an experience of deep knowing in a simple and quick way.

SoulCollage® also keeps me grounded in my creativity. It has become the stepping stone toward other life endeavors. Writing is my favorite artistic medium and Julia Cameron's Morning Pages have been the cornerstone of writing for me. Often when I am feeling stuck or don't have a particular direction for my journaling, I will draw a random SoulCollage® card. The cards offer a limitless amount of wisdom and encouragement for every situation. They have taught me that I, too, am an artist which is an amazing gift in my life.

Through SoulCollage® I have the opportunity to introduce others to their own creativity and deepened personal awareness. It is a bridge builder within (as we come to know more about ourselves) and without (by connecting to others and the world in more meaningful ways.)

My message of wisdom to other SoulCollagers is to be open and trust the process. It sounds simplistic, but it's so true. Whenever I begin to believe I've learned everything there is about a card or aspect of myself, my cards will prove me wrong. When I'm open and willing to be surprised, magical things happen!

One humorous thing I've noticed about myself is that the process is inherently with me. I am a committed walker and stroll through my neighborhood on a daily basis. I'm reminded of an example where I saw a cat sitting in a window one day as I passed by. I began to speak from the cat, beginning with I Am One Who... By the time I finished my walk, I had lots of new awareness from "conversing" with the window cat. My hope is that I'm not speaking out loud when I have these little conversations with flowers, leaves, peeling paint and the like. Oh well...

When it comes to making cards, it feels like I've had a different process for creating each one. Some are super-detailed and have developed over several hours while others come together within minutes. I am a true believer of letting the images find me. When I gather images for workshops I try to be mindful of how and where the pictures may be used by others. Occasionally an image will grab me and I tuck it in my personal folder. Some have stayed there for months before being used and sometimes, I return them back to the community if they no longer speak to me.

This past summer I was preparing for a writers' workshop and we were asked to bring images. I gathered a few and took them with me, but ended up not doing the session where they were to be used. Later when I returned home, I completed a milestone piece of writing and those images popped into my mind. Quickly, I dug them out of my folder and realized they were the perfect collection to make a celebratory card.

I hope you'll visit me on my website, Diamonds in the Soul and blog, Diamonds in the Sky with Lucy

Here are two cards I want to share with you:

These cards were born one April while facilitating workshops on the Fool. Joy has become a signature word for me. In fact my business tagline is "I help high-functioning, under-living people recover and nourish personal joy in life." I spent a significant portion of my life trapped in serious endeavors that didn't really fit with my innate personality. Rediscovering play and joy have been essential to my personal, spiritual and physical growth, so these cards are very dear to me. Whenever I begin to take myself too seriously, I can look to them as glorious reminders that life is worth loving and I have wings of laughter to carry me through even the most challenging situations.

Fool
Council Suit

I am the one who is light as a feather.
I am the one who floats on air - light, airy, pink.
Carried by balloons - colorful & delightful.
I am the one who makes peace with who I am by turning old expectations upside down.
I feel the breeze behind me, above me, below me, around me.
Look, do you see me? I am not foolish.

What I have to give you is peace, joy, rest in knowing who you are.
You're only as old as you think you are.
Question: What age would you be if you didn't know how old you are?
Answer: It doesn't matter!!! Remember that - that's what I want you to remember.

It doesn't matter if you have wrinkles or saggy arms or skin as fresh as a new born baby. Be yourself. Lighten up. Don't stop when you hear the voice of the stopper.
Just go. Let go! Play, laugh, love. Be free as a bird. Blossom.

Foolish Me
Committee Suit

I am the one who laughs and plays and drums and dances and blooms. I am the one who doesn't hide behind conventional wisdom. I am the one who says, "Go," not "Stop." There are lots of ways, as long as you're moving in the direction of your heart. Stop holding onto what "others" think. Play. Release. Let go. Drum and dance. Stop stopping You!!

Play. Bloom. You won't be foolish. God's wisdom is not what the world thinks it is. We all want to play, but we get stuck. Stuck in the paradigms we think are true. We think spirituality has to look stale and safe. We've taken the fun out of worship. We've put churches inside buildings rather than out in the fresh air on the cliffs and near the water. We've forgotten how to take off our shoes and run through the grass. We hear our mothers saying, "Don't get dirty. Finish your work before you go out to play." Guess what? The work is never done.

I want to feel everything around me. To feel the wind in my hair. The breeze on my skin. The sun kissing my beauty. Be free. Dance like the feather. Let your hands fly with your own rhythm. Laugh like there is no tomorrow. Eat what you want & what makes you happy. Nourishment is all you need and laughter is the best nourishment of all. Stop hiding. Bloom, friend, bloom. Reach toward freedom.

And the winner is...

2011-09-15T16:36:00.000-07:00

Drum roll, please, because it's time to announce the fabulous winners of my Pondering: 30 in 30 Contest. A special thank you to everyone who participated by submitting inspiration and reading and commenting on the posts. And the winners are...

First prize: One hour of coaching with yours truly is awarded to the author/creator, "I'm here! Now what?"

Second prize: Six original note cards by fabulous photographer Bill Hughlett goes to an amazing photographer in her own right, Christa G. Woohoo!!

Third prize: Autographed first edition copy of Grace Unbound - a collection of musing and photos by Kayce & Bill Hughlett is proudly given to inspirational muse, Corby K.

Hey winners, congratulations!! It's up to you now to send me your contact info so I can deliver your winnings. Feel free to contact me via e-mail, FaceBook, or blog comment. Thanks again!!!

Bonjour. Buenos dias. Welcome Home.

2011-09-12T07:40:00.000-07:00

As an exploring sojourner, I have traveled far and now return home. Along the way, I tamed dragons, met enchanting people, crossed moats and mountains, dipped my toes in a foreign sea, traversed mazes of language and maps, dined on exquisite foods and wine and was greeted by exotic beings and many mortal creatures. I have stepped into worlds of fantasy and been mesmerized and moved by simplicity and silence. My way has wound through limitless alleyways. My feet have blistered and burned. I have sipped champagne, nibbled on market food, been toasted by locals and returned a tasteless Parisian meal. I have strolled along the Seine and hiked the hills of Park Guell.

My body as been cramped into a coach compartment seat, as well as wrapped beneath a cozy first class blanket. I have stayed in a mystery/murder worthy inn in the French countryside and a chichi boutique bastion in the midst of Paris. My body rocked and rolled in a train sleeper while crossing borders through the night. My passport has acquired new stamps and at least three languages have been exquisitely mangled by moi.

And yesterday I shared another birthday with our countries landmark date of tragedy on US soil – 9/11. As I enter a new year, I acknowledge my life is rich and full; tender and tempestuous; miraculous and mundane. There is no magic spell and no destination other than NOW. Every twinkling deserves acknowledgement.

Some of my favorite moments on this recent journey were the most simple. Napping on a Sunday afternoon with the street noise of the El Borne district (Barcelona) drifting through my consciousness while the Mediterranean breeze tickled my sore and weary feet. Being surprised by a 13th Century Gothic church that pulled me into a pew and held me there with music and mystery. The chaos of a world market filled with delights that both lured and repulsed me. Slipping into a hole-in-the-wall restaurant where we were served one of the best meals of our trip and ultimately celebrated by our hosts. Chatting with a whacky, over-the-top, bold, brash & charming French taxi driver. Risking my faulty language skills (and potentially my dignity) to perform earnest pantomime in order to find the most enchanting restaurant in the French village of Vienne.

In truth, many of the greatest moments came out of risk. Walking into a church even though we weren’t sure it was open to the public. Asking questions in French while realizing I probably couldn’t keep up with a fluent answer. Miraculously finding my language when someone was rude to me and letting her know, “Je comprende” (I understand.) Stepping into the darkened café and making new friends. Pointing on the map and saying, “Let’s stop here.” Following my heart into each new day. Committing to do the same with this new year.

If you're so inclined, I invite you to stay tuned for more detailed descriptions of the adventures we claimed while traveling through France and Spain.

Coming soon... THE WINNERS of the 30/30 Contest!!!

Diamonds in the Soul - helping high-functioning, under-living people recover and nourish personal delight & joy in life.

Pondering... 30 in 30 - Day 30

2011-08-31T03:00:00.000-07:00

Woohoo! I made it. I'm now pondering the wisdom of planning a 30 day challenge with two significant trips sandwiched in the midst. Thank goodness for automatic posts. Unfortunately, my computer is unable to randomly draw the names of contest winners and announce them in my absence. So... with sincere gratitude for your participation and heartfelt apologies for the delay, the winners will be announced upon return from my journey mid-September. Stay tuned...

Pondering... 30 in 30 - Day 29

2011-08-30T03:00:00.000-07:00

"Why is it when you try to pass that guy in front steps on the gas?" -- Burma Shave

I tried to ponder about Burma Shave... I really did. I even looked up Burma to see if that would inspire me. It's a republic in southeast Asia. How and why would an aftershave be named after that? Perhaps a little more pondering is in order, but frankly my dear, I don't give a hoot. I'm pushing pondering here and that's no fun for anyone. Methinks it's time to declare this enough. Sometimes pondering prefers to pass...

Post inspired (or not) by Sunrise Sister.

Diamonds in the Soul - helping high-functioning, under-living people recover and nourish personal delight & joy in life.

Pondering... 30 in 30 - Day 28

2011-08-29T03:00:00.000-07:00

"To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasant sensations in the world. You are surrounded by adventure. You have no idea of what is in store for you, but you will, if you are wise and know the art of travel, let yourself go on the stream of the unknown and accept whatever comes in the spirit in which the gods may offer it." -- Freya Stark

Diamonds in the Soul - helping high-functioning, under-living people recover and nourish personal delight & joy in life.

Pondering... 30 in 30 - Day 27

2011-08-28T03:00:00.000-07:00

"Plan to be surprised." Dan in Real Life

Diamonds in the Soul - helping high-functioning, under-living people recover and nourish personal delight & joy in life.

Pondering... 30 in 30 - Day 26

2011-08-27T03:00:00.000-07:00

Enough

When do you know enough is enough? It’s a colossal dilemma for most Westerners. We set ridiculously high standards according to an elusive “they” who rattles around inside our heads. It’s a gigantic setup for failure, because “they” are never satisfied and continually remind us there are additional things to do, further places to visit, and masses of people to feed, clothe and save. Reaching for enough is overwhelming when listening to the unrelenting chatter. I know if I wait until everything is done in order to declare myself gratified, I’m setting myself up for an arduous and dissatisfying journey.

Stepping back I ponder how to choose satisfaction over discontent and abundance over scarcity. What will be enough today? For me, enough arrives at the precise moment I personally and individually declare it so. Enough doesn’t cater to others. Anything becomes enough when I affirm it and believe it, if only for a moment. For example, consuming food isn’t about cleaning my plate and overeating because “they” told me that’s what I should do. Rather, it’s about nourishing my body until I am physically satisfied – no more or less. In yoga class, the teacher tells us the hard part is over once we’ve showed up. I get to choose whether or not I agree. Witnessing the end of the original Rocky movie, it’s hard to determine who officially won, because each fighter had his own standard for winning. When we try to complete or compete with someone else’s conditions of enough, it’s nearly impossible to achieve triumph.

When do I know enough is enough – for me? Designing standards comes from subjective thought just like any other, so why not set ones I can achieve and appreciate? I could stop mid-sentence and declare this piece enough, or I could set a goal of 500 pages for the day and feel dissatisfied every minute because it’s impossible to achieve. Personally, success feels much better than failure and tends to be infinitely more motivating. In the example here, my balance probably lies somewhere between mid-sentence and a tome, but the point is I get to choose my own enough.

Dedicated to Kanesha - I finally declared this post "enough"!

Diamonds in the Soul - helping high-functioning, under-living people recover and nourish personal delight & joy in life.

Pondering... 30 in 30 - Day 25

2011-08-26T03:00:00.000-07:00

Words of kindness. We often forget to share them. We discount how far reaching or significant they may be. Words that lay unspoken like an infant’s sock dropped on a neighborhood sidewalk. Abandoned. Never to be paired with their match. Earlier this day someone took a moment to consider my sock. A friend from the remote past (one I still envision at 18 even though she’s well past the half century mark) offered me the profound gift of her simple yet generous words. Why today? Why not?

A smile, a word, a nod, a note can change another’s day or life. With little effort on our part we can offer the encouragement or reinforcement another may need. I would never have known this woman read my words unless she told me. How do people know we care if we don’t speak out? Forget the “they should know,” because chances are they don’t. We’ve become a world of wanna be mind readers and last time I checked, it wasn’t particularly effective. There’s no way I could have known where my words had reached without this friend declaring our connection.

When was the last time you offered a generous word for "no good reason"? Is there someone whose name you think is cool? Tell them. Do you think his phrase was perfect or her tenacity and brilliance admirable? Offer it up. Even brilliant people have doubts. Remember: a smile, a word, a nod, a note can change another’s day or life. Why not begin today?

Corby... this one's for you with gratitude!!

Diamonds in the Soul - helping high-functioning, under-living people recover and nourish personal delight & joy in life.

Pondering... 30 in 30 - Day 24

2011-08-25T03:00:00.000-07:00

"In human life as in the rest of nature, change accumulates slowly and almost invisibly until it is made manifest in the sudden form of fledging out or thawing or leaf-fall." -- William Bridges

Just as summer has finally arrived in the Pacific Northwest and will now begin to shift toward autumn, change has been progressively accumulating at diamonds in the soul. In January, I announced my words for the year: refine and expand. Not knowing where they would lead (but nonetheless knowing them to be essential), I continued the ongoing journey of transformation by listening deeply to my personal calling.

As a young woman, I was steered toward a "practical and stable" career in accounting and away from my curiosity in psychology and sociology. I played by other people's rules, proceeded the best I could with limited self-awareness, and continually set aside the place deep in my heart that knew my life was meant for more than numbers and schedules.

At a time when my peers were "calling it good" and beginning to look toward retirement, I chose to pursue a fresh career and garnered my masters in counseling psychology. For the past several years my desire has been met (and continues to be) walking alongside others as they move toward their most authentic lives. In the spirit of refining and expanding, I have spent the past nine months immersed in further study of this passion and expertise. It has involved difficult choices, exciting risks and lots of hard work. It has been a wonderful time of fledging out and stepping more fully into my heart's desire.

The pull has been to gently shift my focus away from intensive psychotherapy (with it's roots in acutely understanding the past), and move toward more life coaching, writing and experience facilitation. For me, these disciplines incorporate our essential understanding of where we've been, bring focus to our current experience and allow personal dreams to begin manifesting now. My practice continues to incorporate spirituality, creativity, a profound respect for self-care and the understanding of human growth and development. My hope is to connect with others like myself who desire to discover and live life to their personal fullest. I hope you will consider joining me and stepping closer to your dreams today!

Diamonds in the Soul - helping high-functioning, under-living people recover and nourish personal delight & joy in life.

Pondering... 30 in 30 - Day 23

2011-08-24T03:00:00.000-07:00

Dragonfly Wisdom

Dragonfly. Damselfly. You swoop into my world unannounced. Subtle. Natural. Compelling. Dancing across the silken pond, offering me respite from my restless perch. Witnessing you in your natural habitat, it's easy to dismiss your powerful medicine. Still, you persist on your quest as you serendipitously meet me in the gem store. One tiny bead buried in the midst of thousands, you place yourself within my hand and heart - a talisman of our magical first meeting. Still, I am slow and don't consciously take notice until finally while I repose upon my landlocked deck, you spontaneously arrive and perform your splendid show in my barren yard.

You come in threes and fours until I can ignore you no more. Showing up brilliantly alive, in a bead, a word, a wing. You draw me in and tell me I can fly. It's time to spread my wings and share your light. The rainbow of colors - clear, dark, iridescent, solid and clear. Reflections deep and pure.

Oh, sweet dragonfly - subtle and not so shy. Thank you for your persistent wisdom. Is it just me who takes so long to recognize and hear what lies right along my path?

Today's Ponder inspired by Helice B. "Animal Totems." Thanks, Helice!!

Diamonds in the Soul - helping high-functioning, under-living people recover and nourish personal delight & joy in life.

Pondering... 30 in 30 - Day 22

2011-08-23T13:07:00.000-07:00

As I let go of expectations, I am able to do everything "perfectly" in order to learn exactly what I need to learn today. -- KSH

Diamonds in the Soul - helping high-functioning, under-living people recover and nourish personal delight & joy in life.

Pondering... 30 in 30 - Day 21

2011-08-22T15:52:00.000-07:00

The Listener

Here I sit on my lava throne - balanced and true. A pointed edge tweaks my right buttock as the shadow of my hand follows me across the page. Tendrils of freshly washed hair, curl and mix with dark and light. Turquoise blue caresses my body and my skin glows with the exuberance of fresh air and sunshine. My soul has been wrapped too long in the cocoon of winter gray. The element of air beckons to be acknowledged. Earth and stone cradle my body. The heat of sun warms my skin as hungry eyes feast on the gift of water. Lily pads and water bugs dance lightly across the surface reminding me of play and rest. Waterfalls feed the pond offering the gift of movement that wards off stagnation similar to that of air within a home closed up too long.

A statue mirrors my body from across the lawn. She, too, is an artist. Her form forever captured in bronze patina. Here we sit together - woman of flesh and bone - muse immobile and bronze. We both glisten in the golden light and tune our ears toward heaven. My name today is gratitude. She has been dubbed, "The Listener".

Pondering... 30 in 30 - Day 20

2011-08-21T03:00:00.000-07:00

Table of Truth

If I simply told my truth without caring if it's been told before or wondering whether it were special enough or too dark to reveal, I would write it all. The words would flow uncensored as I cherished and exposed the beauty, the broken, and the unseemly. I would offer both heartbreak and joy. I would not hold back nor would I overtly embellish. The prose would be raw, revealing and revelational. My truth would weave this brilliantly unique tapestry that is only me.

I would not compare or judge and wonder if every mother were critical or if other offspring had experienced tragedy. I would reveal my own ugliness without apology and my beauty and pain without permission. I would share the whole journey. I would speak of becoming an enraged woman who screeched into the face of a child. I would become the little child, muted with the crook of a finger and silenced by a commanding nod. I would write of mythical experiences and struggles with spirituality. I would acknowledge my deep faith and abolish the voice of tyranny. All tales would have their place. Each thread of color and strand of reality would be welcomed at the table of my truth.

Diamonds in the Soul - helping high-functioning, under-living people recover and nourish personal delight & joy in life.

Pondering... 30 in 30 - Day 19

2011-08-20T03:00:00.000-07:00

Roadblocks

I simply adore how often roadblocks can lead to the most fantastic adventures. Arriving in Taos a day early for a writing retreat, my friend and I dropped our new acquaintance, Patience, off at the Pueblo outside of town. Patience is a warm and delightful woman who is mother earth embodied. With flowing hair of spun silver and eyes the color of an ocean, she resonates with a peace that is grounded and pure. She is filled with wisdom and openly shares, but does not force or press her opinions. She is a woman who offers grace and invites it in return. Thus our predestined roadblock was one that would not willingly be ignored in service to this precious soul.

It was nearing the appointed time to retrieve Patience from the Pueblo where she'd been wandering for hours in the blazing desert sun. Departing the cafe, we were appalled to learn that the road toward our friend was closed for the afternoon to celebrate a fiesta. Tenacious and indefatigable women (but nonetheless in unfamiliar territory), we began to weave our way through backroads, hoping to find a way north. Happening upon a local officer, we were told Patience would simply have to wait. My guess is the officer swiftly and accurately read our eyes as he realized this was an unacceptable answer. Within moments our patron, the officer, had imbued us with a super secret escape route map for the city. What ensued was a wonderful adventure through backroads and vistas we never would have seen without the imposing roadblock. Dear Patience, of course, lived up to her name and was grateful to have friends who would not be deterred by a little bump in the road.

So, how do you perceive roadblocks in the road of your life? Do you turn away, give up, push through or find delight in the adventure? Today, I invite you to ponder this.

Diamonds in the Soul - helping high-functioning, under-living people recover and nourish personal delight & joy in life.

Pondering... 30 in 30 - Day 18

2011-08-19T03:00:00.000-07:00

Traveling Muse

Often when I am at home, my golden fluffy cat serves as my creative muse. With luscious silken fur and confident humming purr, he offers me serenity and calm. When I leave my home for days at a time, I imagine tucking him in my carry-on bag and inviting his grounding presence to journey with me.

While visiting Taos one year on retreat, I was stunned as I walked down a gravel road one evening and Aslan met me on the lane. While the land in this environ is famous for it's magical qualities, I was nonetheless taken aback to see my little king strolling in the twilight. How in the world had my golden muse come to be here? The similarity was uncanny although the sparkle in this kitty's eye could not match my golden boy's brilliance. Stopping in my tracks, I took a deep breath and shook my head clear as I realized it was merely a feline twin... Or was it? Perhaps we need only invite our muses to come along wherever we go.

Diamonds in the Soul - helping high-functioning, under-living people recover and nourish personal delight & joy in life.

Pondering... 30 in 30 - Day 17

2011-08-18T03:00:00.000-07:00

Kingdom Come

Nestling into my throne of stone, I settle back and allow the earth to hold me. "Can you open and close the gate of heaven without clinging to earth?" the Tao te Ching whispers in my ear. Here I rest, planted in an oasis where heaven meets earth. My self-proclaimed mermaid chair carved out of ebony rock graciously embraces my dreamlike form. Scottish trees wave and rise in the midst of this high desert plateau. Dragonflies chase and tease across the cerulean-blue pond. They swoop and veer dangerously near the large-mouth bass that lurks beneath. If not planted in this solid seat, I, too, would magically arise and join the dragonflies in their dance. Or swim through the depths waving my mermaid tail. Painted on the same canvas, butterfly wings and buzzing bees beckon me to follow their lead. Be. Be still. Be beautiful. Be me.

Do I cling to this earth or am I opening the gates of heaven here in my repose? Are clinging and earthbound one in the same? Cannot the gates of heaven be seen through a dragonfly's wing? Is the bass' wide mouth a gateway, too? Is it possible to be on this earth and NOT be in heaven at the same time? Nestling into my majestic throne, I gratefully embrace this kingdom that has come.

Diamonds in the Soul - helping high-functioning, under-living people recover and nourish
personal delight & joy in life.

Pondering... 30 in 30 - Day 16

2011-08-17T03:00:00.000-07:00

What are the boundaries of self-indulgence? Are personal actions overly indulgent if they inspire others to live more fully? What is your criteria for taking care of self, going on retreat, saying no to stifling obligations, or yes to life-giving opportunities? What inspires you? Consider the movies, books, or stories that tug at your heart or bring tears to your eyes. Do you long to be the bold singer on stage or a cloistered monk living in Tibet? Can you see yourself as a renowned chef or perhaps the lead cyclist on the Tour de France? Might you consider that these tugs of heart could lead you to your best life?

What does it mean to inspire or be inspired? Are you pursuing your wildest dreams or do you vicariously live through the lives' of others? From where does your inspiration come? One of my favorite songs begins with the words, "if I were brave." Ponder this: What would you do today if you were brave? Imagine what inspires you in others and then consider how you might choose to find it in yourself. And once you do... be sure to pass it along.

Diamonds in the Soul - helping high-functioning, under-living people recover and nourish
personal delight & joy in life.

Pondering... 30 in 30 - Day 15

2011-08-16T03:00:00.000-07:00

Happiness feels a lot like sorrow.

In the depth of our being, that place where our truest selves unite and intersect, where we experience feelings most deeply, happiness and sorrow reside together. The place of weeping for joy and laughing while our hearts are broken. Yes, happiness feels a lot like sorrow. Open-hearted. Feeling feelings. Not holding back or shying down. Sorrow seeps into the crevasses of the heart and happiness does too.

I remember a time when I felt like my world was imploding beyond repair. Drained and exhausted after a night’s painful vigilance, I lay spent in my bed unable to move from the sheer depth of sorrow. My house was empty except for the presence of my normally wandering cat, Larry. In his own vigilant way, Larry sensed my desperate need as he stayed by my side, consistently and willingly offering me glimpses of happiness with his fur and purr. Feeling his gentle touch, there came an instant when I couldn’t deny that I felt cared for and thus happiness arose for the briefest second.

Happiness and sorrow demand both tenderness and strength. To be happy when the world is falling apart takes courage untold. To weep in awe at the magnitude of life’s minutiae (like a cat’s purr) takes willingness from within. Happiness feels a lot like sorrow. Uncontainable. Overflowing. Tears. Laughter. Filled emotion. They blend and turn and tumble together like fresh clothes spinning in a dryer, everything with its distinct shade of color and loss. Full, felt emotions. Clean, not dirty. Clear and unclouded. They cartwheel and blend together. Happiness feels a lot like sorrow.

Today's ponder prompted by Amie D.

Diamonds in the Soul - helping high-functioning, under-living people recover and nourish personal delight & joy in life.

Pondering... 30 in 30 - Day 14

2011-08-15T03:00:00.000-07:00

Trust for the day

What would it be like to invite trust into my day? To pose the question? To ponder what it means to trust and then to offer myself a response? Because I trust myself and the story that wants to carry me, today I will choose to live freely, without hindrance. I will be still when silence calls and when thoughts and details threaten with their hectic pace. I will be bold in paying attention and asking for what I need. I will not live in the shadow of others' expectations. I commit this day to feeling and believing what is true for me. I will remember the moments that make no sense to anyone else - like the encounter with the skywalker or my father coming to visit with a touch and a tear.

I will let sorrow, joy and difficult discourse flow from and through me. When I begin to think too much or perform for others, I will pause and breathe. I will come back to my center - the place where I am balanced, enlivened and focused on what simply is. When life gets to be too much and the chaos creeps in, that is the place I will trust it is time to pause and reclaim my day.

Diamonds in the Soul - helping high-functioning, under-living people recover and nourish personal delight & joy in life.

Pondering... 30 in 30 - Day 13

2011-08-14T03:00:00.000-07:00

VISUAL PONDER...

Prizes for you... Inspiration for me... Check it out!!!

Diamonds in the Soul - helping high-functioning, under-living people uncover & maintain personal delight & joy in life.

Pondering... 30 in 30 - Day 12

2011-08-13T03:00:00.000-07:00

Generous Ants

There is an inspired line from a Billy Collins poem that speaks of devoted ants following him home from the woods one occasion. Sitting down with my own pen and paper, I began to ponder what had followed me home this day. It was a morning rife with unremarkable markedness. A glorious hike in the crisp morning air. Two stealth skunks crossing my path - their odorous aroma transmuting into flora. A sparkling sprinkler catching me delightfully by surprise. Engaging in the practice of getting lost and being found. Amazement and awe at the summer colors bursting and blooming. The ineffable beauty of compatriots surrounding me.

A stream of images continued with ramshackle headstones adorned in garish flowers - surreal and everlasting. Simple rocks formed into crosses, nearly invisible yet ever so present by the side of my path. A scar unveiled. Winged magpie. Parade of cooing rooftop pigeons. An unidentified flock swooping across the cotton-sprinkled azure sky.

While walking today heaven surrounded me through my senses, then followed me home like a trail of generous ants marching across the page.

Prizes for you... Inspiration for me... Check it out!!!

Diamonds in the Soul - helping high-functioning, under-living people uncover & maintain personal delight & joy in life.

Pondering... 30 in 30 - Day 11

2011-08-12T03:00:00.000-07:00

"Why are bathtubs the best places to ponder -- with AND without water?!" - today's ponder prompt from betsy p.

Awaking in the middle of the night in a rustic retreat center, I toss and turn in the bed that is temporarily mine. My sleeping roommate snoozes less than four feet away and I quickly scan the room for non-disruptive midnight options. Turning the light on seems offensive and it's too dark and cold to venture outside. Stealthily I gather my pillows and reach for my notepad as I make my way toward the sole other room in our modest abode - the bathroom.

Immersing myself in the ceramic tub devoid of water, a single drip escapes the faucet and startles me further awake as it lands on my bare toe. Feather-like pillows cushion my body and act as amniotic fluid in this man-made womb. Eventually my nighttime restlessness begins to lessen as I mold myself to the curved fixture designed specifically for holding the human form. (While showers have their own special kind of magic with their resemblance to rain pouring from the sky, there's nothing quite as nurturing as a tub.)

In my nighttime cradle, I've found the perfect incubator for idea nurturing and dream making. I'm reminded of another friend who loves to sit in the bathtub for hours on end - without water. Her inspiration helped me discover these abodes as the near perfect pondering place. Instant mood setting is available in a moment's notice with customized climate control. You can fill it up with hot water or cold; to the brim or ankle deep; with bubbles and aromatherapy or crystal clear; and perhaps most important and least considered, you can order it dry and have your own holding place within seconds. Add some pillows, a candle or two and if you're lucky a window with a view. Voila, an instant cozy spot to bring on the percolating, gestating, resting and waiting, hatching ideas, dreaming, scheming, breathing, being, and, of course, bathing. All hours of the day, there’s a custom cradle not so far away.

Prizes for you... Inspiration for me... Check it out!!!

Diamonds in the Soul - helping high-functioning, under-living people uncover & maintain personal delight & joy in life.

Pondering... 30 in 30 - Day 10

2011-08-11T03:00:00.000-07:00

What lies below us? And what is above? - Christa G.

When I was a little girl, I envisioned splendid images of God and his kingdom in the sky. I believed that if I squinted through my eyelashes and pretended I wasn’t looking that I could catch a glimpse of him floating by on a cloud, surrounded by white-winged angels. I would lie for hours in the fresh summer grass, staring up into the sky until I could feel the slow turning of the earth beneath me. In my child’s mind, I never quite caught that vivid peek of God, but as an adult I realize those were the moments a Higher Power was most fully present to me. In that dreamlike state where waking and sleep merge, when vision blurs and yet becomes crystal clear. The place of being held by the earth, gazing longingly into the sky and being completely content for timeless hours.

Without nearly as much conviction as believing I could catch God through the window of my eyelashes was the notion that somewhere beneath my feet lay a fiery pit tended by a man with red horns, pitched fork and tail. I also imagined that if I dug a hole through the center of the earth, I would end up in China. Much more time was spent fantasizing about the delight and joy of ending up in a faraway little girl’s backyard than worrying about falling into a fiery pit. How could the same earth, soil and grass that cradled my cloud-watching self, also cover such a nasty place in the midst of the earth? I preferred to think of the magical tunnel that connected me to my foreign soul mate.

As an adult, my heart returns to cloud watching and earth pondering. What does lie below? My heart believes it offers a place to be grounded and held. We can be cradled and nurtured in love or we can be captive to fear with worries about what waits to pull us down. And above? Both adult and child know that is the space filled with infinite possibility. The dreamlike state where waking and sleep merge, when vision blurs and yet becomes crystal clear. The place where the most lovely of all things are made manifest.

photo © h3images

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Pondering... 30 in 30 - Day 9

2011-08-10T03:00:00.000-07:00

Old Brain

There is a voice inside our heads that, believe it or not, usually wants to help. It comes from the places of old and is reptilian in nature. Karen Armstrong simply calls it “old brain.” Martha Beck names it our “lizard.” It also goes by such pseudonyms as the inner critic, devil on your shoulder, or possibly your mother. It is the voice that keeps us in check and goes back to primordial times when all we needed was to be safe, fed and procreate. Since there are no saber-toothed tigers stalking us today, our brain has a tendency to make stuff up that emulates danger.

Since it is an old brain, it is both sophisticated and naive in a very primitive way. My inner critic says things like Who do you think you are? No one will read this drivel! Stop while you’re ahead, fool. It doesn’t sound very helpful, does it? I want to shout back and name call, too, in a display of my own unevolved self. Experience, however, demonstrates that what we resist persists. Fighting, pushing, ignoring and shouting back – all feel like resistance to me. Perhaps a new tactic is in order. Pause. Breathe. Listen a little more closely.

Hey, Lizard, what do you really want? Like a sultry teenager or a petulant child, she pouts and whines and calls me more names. By engaging in the name-calling, the drama escalates and no one wins, so I choose to listen a little more deeply. What she really wants is to simply keep me safe. By convincing me to back off from my goals which entail taking risk, she thinks she’s performing her job successfully. Counterintuitive to my basic instincts to battle her, I’ve noticed responding with laughter, kindness, humility and confidence is much more effective in quieting down this petulant child.

What do you really want? Could there be something helpful beneath all that brain noise? Probing a little deeper, I understand my lizard also wants to be heard – just like me. Hmmm. Perhaps a compassionate bent is the best choice, even though placing my fingers in my ears and screaming, “I can’t hear you” can be quite appealing. Petulance or compassion – which will I choose today?

Today's ponder is inspired by Laura S. Her prompt: How does our inner critic serve us, and how do we best relieve her of her duties?

photo © h3images

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Pondering... 30 in 30 - Day 8

2011-08-09T03:00:00.000-07:00

Whispers in the Night Sky

When I lift my eyes to the night heavens and my heart is tugged skyward, a world of infinite possibility surrounds me. The stars wrap around my soul like a satin scarf draped over exposed shoulders on a cool summer’s eve. My heart listens to the Big Dipper who speaks with a crystal voice announcing, Your cup runneth over. Yes, yours.

The eyes of my heart see Egyptian skies as I am transported in time until I lay giggling next to my aureate buddy, gasping at the brilliance of a hundred shooting stars. When I look into the endless sky, my heart remembers Hawaiian nightfall, lying flat-backed and mesmerized alongside my lineage, surrounded by friends and frogs.

My heart sees new life and worlds yet unlived. It gasps, sobs and rejoices at the magnificence I cannot name yet already know. When I look up at the night sky, I see darkness and light. Death and life. Dreams and loss. The sky carries it all – from here to time’s end and all that has gone before. I see angels’ wings and God’s whisper. Tealights on an ocean of unknown – unknowing – undone - unfinished - un-ness. The night sky reaches from the heavens and pulls my heart upward, always. Yes, always.

Today's ponder is inspired by reader "I'm here! Now what?" Thank you for this lovely prompt: When you look up at the stars in the sky. What does your heart see?

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Pondering... 30 in 30 - Day 7

2011-08-08T03:00:00.000-07:00

Taos Mountain

They say the Taos Mountain is the guide to that region. Thousands have bowed to the ancient peak and asked if they might come to reside there. Legend says that those who do not respect and honor the mountain’s word may find they meet disaster or discomfort along their path. It seems that for at least a brief period of time, the mountain has welcomed me. Here I sit, drawn to this place of creation, finding myself grounded by earth and air. I wholly believe there are hallowed places that draw us uniquely toward ourselves.

I never recognized this until I arrived in places where I felt truly at home. I didn’t understand what had been missing until I found it. I am a woman of fire and heat. For some the Taos air is too thin and they cannot breathe. Me? I want to sink into this land and fold into the landscape. To infuse my skin with the red soil and bottle the dry air to carry home as a talisman for moist days.

I am also a woman of water with flow and movement feeding my soul. It’s no wonder one of my favorite activities is reclining on an air mattress in the midst of a warm summer lake. There I float while feeling the restoration of heat wash over me. Whereas the thought of rolling in sun-kissed grass or barreling down a blazing sand dune brings me immense delight, snow banks and ski slopes chill me to the bone.

But I am here now. In this moment, I shall embrace this land that has welcomed me – offering heat, sun, arid air and a deep connection to my native spirit. Thank you, Taos Mountain for your heartfelt embrace.

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Pondering... 30 in 30 - Day 6

2011-08-07T03:00:00.000-07:00

Cutting the Cord

I don’t understand the chemistry of a labyrinth – if chemistry is even the word. How magic happens by stepping into a circle of stones. This day I was simply there to do the time. I even set the stopwatch on my wrist. Walking slowly, I was drawn to pulling out the haphazard weeds in the path. Themes of ritual and funeral rose in my mind. Letting go. Refining and expanding.

Stepping into the center, I see the altar of remembrances and symbols of others’ letting go. My pockets holding a hotel key and sunglasses, I have nothing to leave. But there on my wrist are the cloth bracelets I have worn for years. They represent another time of life. The raising of my children now turned adult. It’s time to release and let go.

The lavender band was the easier to remove. Elastic, faded purple, worn around the edges, it’s had many uses – holding my hair, snapping my wrist, adding color to my life. It is a reminder of my sweet girl. Today it’s time to let go. The green band comes next – not so easy to maneuver. I’ve worn it for seven years in honor of my dear son. It’s time to let go and as I stand in the center of the labyrinth I know that to be true. Ritual. Funeral. Release.

No scissors. No knife. No stone sharp enough to cut the cord. Only my sheer will to release and let go. It was painful and at times seemed impossible. Pushing. Pulling. Tugging. Centimeter by centimeter I stretched it across my hand. Tiny blood blisters form on my wrist and no doubt bruises will follow. Millimeter by millimeter. I cease to battle, because it is inevitable the bracelet will stay in the center of this New Mexico labyrinth. How do we know when it’s time to let go? We know.

Pausing in the center, tears formed and while there wasn’t a whoosh of relief or release, there was a calm presence that offered, “This is true. Yes.” Squatting by the sweet altar, holding my breath for a moment or two – leaving purple and green tucked and entwined together, a magpie feather guarding their resting place. “You can’t return the way you came.” Words as clear as the church bells in the distance. Another magpie leads my way as I step across the path. A hop here. A pause there. I can’t go back the way I came.

photo with permission © http://www.carryitforward.com/

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Pondering... 30 in 30 - Day 5

2011-08-06T03:00:00.000-07:00

Youth's Challenge

Over coffee with my friend of 20 years, we mused about where we have been and how we live now. Wisdom, foolishness, joy and sorrow have carved prophetic lines in our once smooth faces. Still, we shine with beauty and grace. We cry with sorrow as agony forms the deep places of our souls. We have chosen to live and were we to die today, it would be without regret. There are things we cannot change and things we've yet to do. We still ask questions of ourselves and know that no one can answer our questions for us. We must do it on our own.

Earlier this same morning, a fellow ponderer asked me what I think the greatest challenge is that faces young adults today. My quick response? The fact that they are young. They have the world before them and have not yet gathered the experience of longevity. It is both gift and rival. I believe, the greatest challenge (and one not exclusive to youth) is to find authentic voice and pave paths of our own truth. To live unfettered lives that bring freedom versus imprisonment. To unselfishly and unabashedly stand for who we are. Life's challenge is to sort through the history the elders have bequeathed us - emotionally, spiritually, and economically. To find personal choice while sifting through peer pressure and the voice of the inner critic.

The greatest challenge for me comes from within, and I can't imagine it's so very different for others, be they young, old or in-between. The beauty is that this very same challenge is also our greatest gift. For if it comes from within, then we are free to change through choice. What will I choose for me? What will I offer to others? Life. I choose life over mere existence. Perhaps this is the challenge? This intentional pathway doesn't always taste of sweet honey and love songs. Terror and exhilaration swirl in a strange mixture toward conquering fear. Stepping into light means moving through darkness and befriending fear. It means letting go of what does not work and clinging tightly to what does. Choosing life is taking the risk to be immersed in the fragrance - aromatic & otherwise - of authentic being.

Inspired by Laura S's prompt: What is the biggest challenge facing today's young adults?

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Pondering... 30 in 30 - Day 4

2011-08-05T03:00:00.000-07:00

Living on Retreat

One of my greatest joys in life is going on retreat - setting aside time in this busy life and unplugging from daily distractions and obligations. Upon returning from one luxurious week, a dear friend inquired as to how I re-enter life after being away. It's a provocative question and one I can only answer for myself. I imagine others may ponder this same thought. I've consistently noticed that few people choose to take time for themselves and even fewer know how to integrate the gift once they return. Some find it impossible and others don't even try. Wouldn't it be wonderful to engage in a life where each day felt as comfortable as a retreat?

Staying on retreat, like most valuable things in life, is a practice. It's not unlike engaging in studies at school or learning to stay on the yoga mat. It can be likened to running a marathon and training with never-ending miles on the road. Have you ever seen the face of someone who's just finished a 26.2 mile race? While their body may be aching with sore joints and blistered feet, the sense of accomplishment, joy and well-being resonates around them as the exhilaration far outweighs the pain. Similarly, the practice of daily retreat can magnify ongoing happiness and nurture satisfied longevity.

As my friend asked the question, "how do you re-enter," I quickly heard my answer, "I actually live on retreat." My life is filled with delight of my own making and all I have to do is remember that. Does it mean life is easy? Heck no! I still have laundry to do, groceries to buy and relationships to navigate, but even as I write those words, I realize and notice how grateful I am to have clothes to wash, food to buy, and people to love. As I remember the idea that life is my retreat, the notion of how to re-enter gently drifts away.

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Pondering... 30 in 30 - Day 3

2011-08-04T03:00:00.000-07:00

"Retreat - to withdraw, retire or draw back, especially for shelter or seclusion." (a verb)

The lexicon of our modern day insists that one must leave home, go away, and/or spend lots of money to officially be on retreat. This is bothersome to me, because what happens to people with no accrued vacation time or resources to afford an expensive spa? Methinks, it's time to change our thinking. In my book, daily life is totally accessible as an ongoing retreat center. It's a place where at any moment in time we have the ability to take a pause and seek shelter from our thoughts, or seclusion from our surroundings. If we can change our thinking, we can change our mood. If we can allow ourselves to withdraw from narrow definitions and expand our notion of "retreat", life becomes a playground.

In this current moment, I sit at my neighborhood cafe and take a break from writing at home. As the pull of distractions, like laundry and internet, became too great, I chose to create a new space of shelter, seclusion and inspiration. The smell of espresso now fills my nostrils as a fresh breeze floats through the open windows. Smooth jazz music and the soft patter of gentle conversation soothes my clanging thoughts. Local artwork flanks my sides as the soft leather chair cushions my body. I begin to imagine the laughter that will come this evening and it makes me smile right now. Pausing, I take in all that surrounds me and gratefully declare, "Here and now, I am on retreat."

Mabel Dodge Luhan skyline © ksh 2011

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Pondering... 30 in 30 - Day 2

2011-08-03T03:00:00.000-07:00

When Pigs Fly

Pedrita gazed upward into the night sky, pondering the question: When will I ever learn to fly? Her nights were dream-filled while her days were spent in the barnyard surrounded by fellow swine. The others passed their hours trudging back and forth between feed trough and mud pit. They slogged through the days mimicking perfect barnyard behavior infused with virtually no enthusiasm.

Pedrita, however, knew she was destined for more. Instead of snarfing down her slop, she would pause and be curious about where her meal had been before. Whose leftovers was she sharing? Did the grains come from the field over there? Was her mother gluten intolerant? Is that why she's so cranky? Pedrita spent her waking hours pondering and pondering and even though the other animals made fun of her and called her whacky, she offered them kindness and gentleness rather than matching their derision.

Every night she would gaze into the heavens and imagine herself floating among the stars. She could see herself reflected in the constellations and knew she was special and shiny. She tried to tell her friends about the magic night sky, but they were more concerned about the next meal and what everyone else was doing. Ped, however, would not be dissuaded. She continued to dream her dreams and wish upon the glowing stars. She saw beauty in everything and offered compassion unceasingly, even to the piglets who laughed at her wistfulness. Nothing could deter her from reaching for the stars.

Each evening while standing under the moonlit sky, she offered compassion to the whole world - especially the parts she didn't understand. She sincerely believed we are all made of stars, and as she nurtured this belief something gradually changed within her. Her heart sprouted wings and under the winds of generous compassion, one night she defied gravity and rose to join the twinkling lights of the sky.

She quit trying to convince others to change and went about her days seeing her mates perfect as they were with all their slogging and slopping. By day, she was a simple swine reaching out to others through curiosity and kindness. Little did they know, however, that through these daily actions she nurtured the incredible lightness of being that carried her, Pedrita the pig, soaring through the starlit nights.

Inspired by Pedro's prompt: When will pigs fly? And will we fly alongside them...

kauai pigs © h3images

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Pondering... 30 in 30 - Day 1

2011-08-02T03:00:00.000-07:00

"Best to be like water... it pools where humans disdain to dwell." -- Tao Te Ching

Today I will begin with openness. I will play with these crazy thoughts and nonsensical experiences that flow through my mind as I awaken this day. I will be adventuresome and see where the ideas invite me to go. I will be like a child on summer vacation allowing myself to move through my list of desires and needs with playful abandon and an open heart. When things cease to become play I will stop and breathe.

I will remember the wholeness of delight and joy that comes when I declare myself "Enough." To stand in my own power and desire brings richness to my life. The words shift and form until they announce "I am fully alive." I am created to play and my life is not about work.

Today I will begin with the nonsensical and allow myself to not make sense of it all for this would be an exercise in futility. I will begin this day with openness, pleasure and curiosity. I will invite play into my moments. I will allow my words to flow like water and dare to travel to the place that others resist. Today I will begin with me.

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Prizes for YOU... Inspiration for ME...

2011-08-01T12:06:00.000-07:00

Today I return refreshed, renewed and inspired after unplugging and luxuriating in a solid week of pure heaven. No cell phones, internet, or Facebook. No meals to cook or beds to make. Dancing in the morning. Writing in the afternoon. Laughing and strolling through the warm summer evenings. A gentle schedule provided with the encouragement to ask the question moment by moment: What do I want? This beauty was enhanced by the surrounding wisdom and spirit of 30 vast, varied and like-minded souls as we found ourselves tucked into the high desert of Taos, New Mexico residing in a retreat center that has nurtured such greats as Georgia O’Keefe, Ansel Adams, Natalie Goldberg and Jennifer Louden.

Lest the afterglow drift away like stars disappearing on a cloudy night, I am delighted to share one of my fabulous brainstorms from the week away. Even though it was hatched at 4:30 a.m. while snuggled in the bathtub with pillows, pen and pad, I believe it still holds water. Everyone loves a contest, right? So, here it is: A pondering contest. Prizes for you. Continued Inspiration for me.

MY CHALLENGE: 30 posts in 30 days. For the next 30 days I will post a new "pondering" on Diamonds in the Sky with Lucy. This is to inspire and encourage the completion of my extraordinary writing project: Pondering - 365 days of reflection through metaphor, life experience and the practice of presence.

YOUR CHALLENGE: It's simple. Send me a topic to ponder and you become eligible for one of three fantastic prizes. Your entry can be in the form of a question, word, idea, thought or anything you'd like to see explored through my unique lens. Topics will be accepted via blog comments, email, Facebook comments and, in some cases, telepathic methods. (wink wink)

PRIZES: Everyone who sends in a topic for consideration will be entered in a drawing for these fabulous prizes:

First prize: One hour of coaching with yours truly.
Second prize: Six original notecards or one 12" x 18" print by fabulous photographer, Bill Hughlett.
Third prize: Autographed first edition copy of Grace Unbound - a collection of musings and photos by Kayce & Bill Hughlett

DETAILS: Entries will be accepted throughout the month of August, however, only entries received between now and August 14, will be eligible for prizes.

Topics selected for use will be entered into the drawing twice. If you'd like to be acknowledged as the "ponder prompter" when your selection is used, please let me know. I'm happy to link to websites and other blogs. Please note: there are no guarantees you will recognize your prompt once it travels through my mind sieve. (e.g. a prompt on potatoes could end up being about wrecked rental cars.)

ACT NOW! It's a win-win situation. Prizes for you and inspiration for me!! Woohoo!!!

Diamonds in the Soul - helping high-functioning, under-living people uncover & maintain personal delight & joy in life.

Multi-generational Mojo

2011-07-25T12:56:00.000-07:00

Hey, Friends. This week I am hanging out with the amazing Jennifer Louden and a whole bunch of really fantastic writers. Before I took off for Taos, one of my rockin' new friends, Kanesha Baynard, invited me to share the tale of my recent multi-generational jog at her delightful blog, it's a full nest. Pop on over and check it out!

Diamonds in the Soul - helping high-functioning, under-living people uncover & maintain personal delight & joy in life.

Love Letter to a Season

2011-07-21T08:41:00.000-07:00

Dear Summer:

I love you with your unique pace and rhythm. I feel blessed and fortunate to be able to make choices that allow me to feel the spaciousness of your season. I like cutting back on regular routines and creating new adventures. It's like designing my own version of camp. I truly do feel like a kid on holiday exploring all sorts of new adventures. Studying French and ballet. Completing a 1/2 marathon with my some of my favorite peeps. Having friends and family come to visit. Lazier morning schedules. Summer, you offer incredible long days where I hold off putting on my pj's until almost 9:30 p.m. or you leisurely invite me to stay in them all day. The hours are filled with kitty-snuggling and beach strolling. Reading to my heart's content.

You know you've always been my favorite season and I'm really a kid at heart who loves the simple pleasures. Dreaming isn't about doing the next "big" thing - although it definitely could be. Last week my heart's desire popped out that I want to live in France. Now how would I even know that? I've spent eight days in Paris. Period. And I'm not sure Paris is where I'd even choose to live, but it's fun to have a fabulous dream. It doesn't mean I won't be happy unless or until I get there. It's actually plenty fun to live right now, because truly I have all I need.

So what do I do with ma fantasie de la Francaise? Well... I pull out my drive time French CD's. I buy baguette and cheese for dinner. I practice ordering cafe au lait en francais and I listen to lots of French pop music. Why? Because it makes me happy and brings me pleasure and delight. It speaks the language of summer. Does that mean I'm living in a fantasy world? Mais non! After all, that's what kids do in the summer time - especially if their parents don't overload them with activities designed to "get ahead" in the world. We've lost the art of doing nothing. I firmly believe it should be a part of everyone's day in every season! Summer, thank you for reminding me this is the natural order of life. When I do the little things that bring me joy (like taking French & ballet, "just because") it makes me feel so incredibly happy that those around me can't help but feel good too! It's like warm sun spreading across the sky after a long gray winter. Joy is contagious!

If teacher asked me to write what I did on my summer vacation, here are a few of the top adventures I'd share. French Kissing Life with Tonya Leigh; Martha's magical training tour; reading teen novels; climbing rock walls; having minor surgery and getting a "bad ass" scar (my daughter's interpretation). Cutting back on weekly hours, developing a rockin' new curriculum; planning a fabulous retreat; hanging out with friends; visiting the Olympic peninsula and my grownup son; eating lots of frozen yogurt with my employed daughter; sitting in the sunshine reading Tao te Ching while my beloved takes amazing photographs; ferry and convertible rides; deep contemplative practice and extensive examination of the back of my eye lids; siestas after lunches of fresh-grilled veggies; making delicious food just because; planning fantasy dinner parties that one day will happen; signing up for Fall adventures that make me quake with excitement and just a tinge of fear; discovering green smoothies; going Vegan for a few days; dreaming and dancing; living and loving life. Rest and respite.

Summer, what can I say? Merci, beaucoups. Je t'aime!

Diamonds in the Soul - helping high-functioning, under-living people uncover & maintain personal delight & joy in life.

A Simple Sunday Post

2011-07-10T17:16:00.001-07:00

Freedom, pleasure and ritual. What are mine? Stretching before I arise. Steaming hot coffee, fresh in the moment. A burning candle to awaken my senses. Music for ears and soul. Gentle pleasures. A desire to live in France or at least embrace the joie de vivre. To not fear dying. To not fear living. Awakening to everything. Pleasure. Desire. Wellness. Fear.

Freedom to speak my mind and share my magic. To spread my arms and soar like an eagle or the graceful pelican along the Sonoran sea. Pleasure to walk on the beach and feel the sand between my toes. To climb a rock wall and feel the strength of my body. To witness the lean and toned muscles in my arms that share the same body with crepe paper thighs. To knowingly love the signs and tokens of where I’ve been and who I am.

What brings you freedom and pleasure? What is the ritual that awakens your senses?

lucy's climb © 6.2011

Who's In Charge of You?

2011-06-23T09:04:00.001-07:00

What kind of life do you want to live? Yes, you. No one else can decide except you. I imagine I'm already hearing hemming and hawing about your limited choices. Really? What are your excuses? I'm too fat. Too old. It's too late. It's too soon. Each day we stand on the brink of our own beginning. Every moment we are invited to show up. How will I show up for myself?

Just moments ago I was lying in bed with my cat, Aslan, snuggled on my chest. My head is a little achy and I'm bemoaning the fact that it's gray again and the temperature probably won't top 60 degrees. I'm not getting any writing done. I'll never be an author. The spiraling thoughts began. I have a choice. I can lie here in bed (if that's what feels good) or I can show up for myself and do something different (which today feels even better.)

Even though I've changed positions, my cat is still in my lap, because he knows exactly what he wants and he goes for it. Every day. Every moment. There's none of this I'm too old or it's too late business. If he wants to eat, he eats. If there's no food in his bowl, he meows. If there's no one around to feed him, he goes and takes a nap. He's in charge and so are you.

I choose to take care of myself by being TAO (transparent, authentic & open). As someone whose profession is helping others, it can be a little tricky. For some clients it's quite disturbing for them to see that I have "off" days. On the other hand, some people are bothered when they think I'm too positive and only see the bright side of everything. It's a fine line to walk (and no doubt I make mistakes), but being TAO is what it's all about - especially when it comes to being TAO with ourselves. So, I ask again. What kind of life do you want? Do you already have it? Great! If not, ask yourself why not?

I just read an article that highlighted the successes of people whose careers are taking off when society says they should be checking into the retirement home. Actress Betty White has revived her career at age 89. Jeff Bridges just won the Best Actor award at 61. An eleven year old is a singing sensation on America's Got Talent (or some show like that). These are people who've chosen to follow their dreams and defy what society calls "normal." My sister is another one. This amazing woman just had her first one woman art show and is joining me in a 1/2 marathon on Saturday (btw - neither of us are experienced runners.) While she's not a contemporary of Betty White, she has surpassed Mr. Bridges by a few years, but you'd never know it in either attitude or appearance. She is phenomenal.

People recently have been saying to me, "You have such an interesting life," and they're right. But it hasn't always been that way. I didn't own a passport until I was almost forty-five, but once I got the travel bug and realized I could do things differently, the world has opened up to me. I went back to graduate school around the same time and embarked on a dreamlike journey of transformation that I don't see stopping anytime soon. I'm doing things and taking risks that scare the heck out of me, but still I'm going for it. I've learned to see beauty in the smallest things and bring presence to everything from food to breath. The list goes on, but bottom line: I started showing up for myself.

So, I ask again: What kind of life do you want to live? Who or what is standing between you and your dreams? My guess is your answer will show up the next time you glance in the mirror. Think about it and consider taking a hint from my cat. He's in charge and so are you.

In invite you to visit me at Diamonds in the Soul to learn more.

Pause before you Punch...

2011-06-22T13:37:00.000-07:00

... or How to Deal with Mean People

My friend and colleague, the beautiful and talented, Deb Smouse, recently asked if I had any tips on dealing with mean people. Not knowing exactly what she desired, I decided to do a little journaling around the topic to find out what I know ☺.

Bottom line, no matter how hard we try and hope it isn't so, they do exist and well... Sometimes mean people are just plain mean. They get under your skin and make you feel like you want to lash out and be mean too (or at least I do.) When I feel my blood pressure start to rise and my chest begin to pound, I realize that’s usually the time to take a deep breath and pause for a quick look in the mirror. Stop. Look. Listen. Notice and begin to imagine where their nastiness might be coming from, because most often it doesn’t have anything to do with me. I’ve also learned that without the pause, I’m at risk of feeding their fire (or ire) by turning up the heat with my less desirable Lucy-girl tactics. While momentarily this might feel good, it typically feels downright yucky and both of us walk away feeling singed. If I can avert this quick response and gather my pause, I often discover it’s the perfect time to pull out my super-secret (wish everyone knew about it) diffuser: Compassion. Whether or not the other person is willing to receive it, depends on them. In any case, through compassion I can stay grounded and with much better-feeling results than trying to match their nasty attitude.

(Warning: If you offer compassion and kindness to someone and consistently walk away feeling guilty or at fault for their bad mood, you’re probably dealing with a narcissist. My advice is to steer clear!)

Grumpsters come in all varieties and curmudgeons are my favorites. They’re usually just big old teddy bears who lay on the mild end of the “mean” scale just before hard-to-love, prickly, but ultimately approachable people and far away from sociopaths or narcissists who can rarely be won over and always leave you feeling icky. My approach with curmudgeons (and I realize I’m now giving away trade secrets) is to tame them with kindness. I like to get playful and perhaps a little sassy with these growly bears while feeding them their own direct medicine. I truly love being their pal, and rarely let them off the hook, because curmudgeons typically enjoy a good jest and are usually just trying to stir things up.

In my experience mean people are always asking for something and while it usually looks like they want you to go away, the exact opposite is often true. My kids, for example, have perfected the nasty look or growling get-away-from-me grunt. They can trigger me faster than any living person, so it’s trickier with people you’re close to, because you’re often a lot alike and/or it feels like there’s more at risk than with someone you don’t know. Once I began to understand my own insecurities and hidden motivations for being mean, it became easier to stick it out with others and turn on the loving compassion. It also taught me to slow down and consider how things aren’t always as they seem.

If pausing, looking in the mirror and calling on compassion, doesn’t do the trick for taming a mean person, then my surefire, foolproof approach to not letting this person get to me is to imagine they are about four or five years old. I see them slightly past the terrible two’s (although it can be fun to think of them at this age), but not yet jaded by a world of should’s and should not’s. By seeing an offensive person as a tender child who only wants to be loved, I’m able to drop my own defensiveness and tap into unconditional love and compassion. If four or five years old doesn’t work, I drop the age even younger until I can only see them as needing care. I can’t even begin to imagine retaliating or hurting them. I try to envision what this child might need – a kind word, a grounded presence, a hug or pat on the back. Mentally offering it to them can be equally powerful when it’s inappropriate to do it physically. In some cases they may just need to be left alone. In the case of hard-core offenders (sociopaths/narcissists), sometimes we just need to walk away and take care of our own inner child (i.e. don’t add to the abusiveness by staying in the line of fire!) It’s ok to move away gently and acknowledge for ourselves where and how it hurts. Finally, I allow myself to remember sometimes mean people are just plain mean.

Be sure to pop on over to Debra Smouse’s To Box or Not to Box for another viewpoint on dealing with those mean-spirited people in your life.

You can also visit me at Diamonds in the Soul to learn more about me.

Turning the Tables

2011-06-21T17:09:00.000-07:00

"Never forget: This very moment, we can change our lives. There never was a moment, and never will be, when we are without the power to alter our destiny. This second, we can turn the tables on Resistance.

This second, we can sit down and do our work." -- Steve Pressfield, The War of Art

Late yesterday afternoon and into the evening, I noticed that I was uncharacteristically unsettled and unmotivated. I ate crummy tortilla chips for dinner and lay on the sofa watching endless episodes of Cougar Town. Yuk. I felt not only restless, but also rather worthless. The evening slipped into this surreal game of chess where I moved from couch to back porch with fresh air, and then returned to the stifling inside air and sofa.

Open hours lay before me and it was the perfect time to write and add a few more entries to my nearly finished compilation of daily meditations. Subliminally (and not so much so), the message I was avoiding crept into my consciousness: My writing is worthless. Quickly followed by, I am worthless. Byron Katie's (BK) first question of "The Work" ran through my mind saying, "Is that true?" Again, Yuk. Sometimes I get so tired of the questions and want them to stop. I encourage the judgmental voices to back off, but mainly I desire for this lethargy to end. I want to write. I want to finish my book and I am terrified of finishing it. It is a big part of me and if you don't like it then you won't like me. Again I hear BK say, "Is that true?" In some ways it is true, because, you see, my writing is me. It is my story, my heart, my soul. I feel exposed as I write and I feel more whole than almost any other place I know. I find in writing that ground of meaningful connection and if for only a moment, you connect with me, then you have seen me and I you.

I spent some time today with my coaching buddy working around the thought, My writing is a waste of time. Together we explored what I consider 'valuable' and what is a 'waste' for me. As we talked and wiggled the thoughts via BK style, themes came up. Overplayed ones and new ones. Old ones with fresh twists. Begrudgingly, I dove back into that familiar place where I decided that it's not my writing that is a waste of time, but rather I am the waste. It stems from old stories and while I hate to disparage my deceased mother or put the blame on her, it comes back to the messages I heard (whether they were delivered that way or not) that I had wasted her time. The story goes that my father was the one who wanted another baby. I've often wondered how my mother would have spent her time had she not had to care for me, "the baby," of the family. Did I keep her young or make her old? Did I enrich her life or did I waste her time? While I can never really know the truth of those questions, my guess is I probably did a little bit of both.

During the course of our exploration, my buddy and I landed on several themes that showed up for me while naming how I see "valuable." Words like flow, enjoyable and fun rose to the top. Restful, playful and engaging also made the top ten. Pondering (which is what I love to do most) seemed to encompass most of them. When I place a judgment (or value) on my writing, such as other people have to like it to be valuable or it needs to be published to be worth something, then I take away the flow and the enjoyable aspect. I start to perform for others rather than myself. I aim to please the ghosts of my past by projecting into the future. When the truth is I will never please anyone 100% of the time, including myself.

As we continued to do turnarounds, the last most surprising and enlightening one popped out of my mouth: Wasting time wastes me. When I lay on the couch and eat junk food while watching mindless TV, I am wasting myself. I can feel it in my body as the lethargy (not rest) seeps in. While my hunger scale says it's time to eat, I sense and know that what I'm ingesting is not satisfying. I turn on myself. I choose to not write or feel good. I become the waste that I fear I am. Isn't that fascinating?

The beauty of this coaching-type work is that once I landed on "Wasting time wastes me," I got pretty indignant and took the control back into my own hands. (Oh wait, I think it was there the whole time.) Nonetheless, my energy shifted, my motivation revved up and, voila, the words began to flow onto the page. The tables had been turned. Isn't that fascinating?!?

Be Curious

2011-06-15T08:39:00.000-07:00

“As I started looking, I found more and more.” -- Valerie Steele

On a breezy evening that threatened rain, but offered amazing cloud formations and lighting, I attended my daughter’s graduation from high school. A monumental event for all, and one that arrived more quickly than a parent could possibly imagine. We braced ourselves for a potentially boring evening as nearly 400 graduates streamed into the stadium, paired off boy-girl boy-girl. The evening, however, flowed seamlessly as the class president opened with a simple statement, “Good job. We did it.” - followed by talented choral groups ranging from high brow classical to street rap.

The most lackluster speech of the evening was the one meant to inspire. The adult speaker literally said, “I’m going to inspire you” and then began to read a list of former graduates (mainly from the ‘50’s and earlier) who had “made it big.” I recognized one name of an actress I adored during the ‘80’s and my husband identified a real estate mogul who he’d had less than pleasant business dealings with. The delivery was dry and as my own eyes glazed over, I couldn’t imagine my daughter or many other students being inspired by this recitation.

Looking out over the stadium, I was struck by the style and creativity of the students on the field. I witnessed mortarboards decorated with glitter and sequins glistening in the evening light. Students with oversized sunglasses; a boy with Mickey Mouse ears cleverly attached to his graduation cap. An array of finery peeking beneath red and black gowns: rubber sandals, glittering high heels, blown out blue jeans and pressed tuxedos. I watched the crowd: proud parents, raucous friends, and people holding elaborate signs, flowers from street vendors, cameras, bull horns and video recorders. In my musing, I became curious about who these people were, where they had been and where the future might carry them.

With curiosity the night came alive. Why did the seagulls soar over the crowd in the intricate patterns of swoop and dive? Who created the formation of night clouds and evening light that added a glow of perfection to the evening? Flashes of history went through my mind (good, bad and indifferent) as names were called to receive diplomas. Children I’d known since they were four years old strolled across the stage as the next generation of leaders. Later, I would pray for their safety and protection as they departed for Senior Spree, private parties and celebrations with family and friends. I wondered where time had gone, opportunities missed and adventures to come.

In my mind, the “inspirational speaker” had missed the mark. While a list of former accomplishments might or might not encourage others to move forward, curiosity could be a lasting companion. Curiosity inspires. It is my friend daily as I wonder about the world and myself. It motivates me to move forward and calls into question (without judgment) why I might stay inert. It encourages me to ask questions and seek new horizons. If I could leave a legacy for the generations to come, it would be this: Be Curious. Be grateful. Be you.

Ponder this: How are you inspired? What would be your legacy for those to follow?

photo by mark karras (used with permission... since he didn't get a model release and janey is featured :)

Labyrinth of Life

2011-06-07T07:57:00.000-07:00

I’ve been away from this page too long, so today I invite you on a literal and metaphorical journey through the labyrinth of my life. This past month I have stepped through many doors, beginning with a weekend I spent with my grad school buddies. Together, we have been through thick and thin. We’ve discovered our mothers, hated them, loved them and become mothers ourselves. We have filled and emptied our nests. Buried our parents. We’ve become grandmothers, new moms and orphans. We’ve laughed hysterically, wept relentlessly and grown beyond our narrow boundaries. Our hearts have been like melting chocolate, swirling and fading in steaming milk. Comfort brings us home.

This month I have relived the birth of my son and his life of disarray. What can I even say? I’ve held him in my arms and he in mine, and so the journey goes… There is green, new life and growth. The touch of a hand. Swirling life around the edges. The roots of messiness piercing the whimsy of freedom, brilliance and light. I can feel it as I spin around the side. A new song, starry night, candles in the wind and paper umbrellas in a magical sky. (Phoenix remembered). Stripes of brilliance and color smash up against the gray of despair. Grief is always near. The cup of celebration teases me and then disappears as I round the corner to more light and celebration.

Petals of white greet me before being pierced by the messiness of more necessary growth. My hands hold it all as witness to the brokenness and darkness that is both parenthood and childhood. The path continues. I cannot stop now. Will I open or close my eyes to despair? I choose to feel the life that comes from releasing emotion. Light and dark blur together until I can’t tell which is which, and still life dances around the edges and angels offer me the cup of salvation as the center reveals it all – light, shadow & life. The embers glow and beckon me to continue the journey.

Golden light leads the way out. Fresh pink and spring green remind me that roots are essential and seeds grow into strong trees. (A sister. A friend.) Closed eyes offer prayer and meditation as they touch the heart within. (A workshop.) The shadows hold new life and there is nourishment in the messiness. Roots point the way to sweet nectar. (A prom & more.) Celebrate. Celebrate where you’ve been – the darkness – the brilliance – the new song of swirling life. Take in the colors and shapes that are this life. Hold them all. Celebrate birth and death. They all lie within your beautiful perfect heart. Amen.

labyrinth collage - designed & created by KSH 6.2011

90 Seconds to Release

2011-05-13T12:07:00.000-07:00

“Despite our fear of certain feelings, it is feeling each of them all the way through that lands us in the vibrant ache that underrides our being alive. To reach this vibrant place is often healing.” -- Mark Nepo

Life has been crazy full lately with all sorts of brilliant and shiny adventures. It’s all good, as they say. My body, however, seemed to indicate otherwise. Even amidst healthy eating, plenty of sleep and regular exercise, last week my body declared a moratorium on health. I came down with an icky cold “out of nowhere.” So, I slowed down (sort of), paid attention (with soft focus) and listened (perhaps with one ear.) Actually, I kept going – only doing the “essential” things, of course – until my body said, “Excuse me. I’d like your FULL awareness NOW.”

So, Wednesday, I woke up and I cried. Buckets. I finally let go and quit trying to analyze things and figure them out. I pushed my favorite “should” to the background – (“You should know better.”) – and just let myself be. I slowed down and got quiet. I lit a candle, played the Cistercian monks on iTunes, raged in my journal for awhile, sobbed into my pillow, wailed a little more, then went to my scheduled spiritual direction appointment where I sat with a wise listener who let me cry some more. (I hope you’re not distracted by what might have brought me to this state, because that’s not really the point… but I do appreciate your concern.)

If you’re asking what is the point, well, I just needed to let my emotions be. While I have a general idea where some of the angst arises (e.g. my mother died on Mother’s Day seven years ago and I tend to mentally forget this), the point was my body was giving me all sorts of signals that I needed a little grieving time. Again? Yes. Still? Absolutely.

We are such amazing creations and my new favorite mantra is “The body doesn’t lie.” Who would have thought that buckets of tears, some lament music, a gentle hot yoga session and ultimately oral surgery would provide the prescription to returning to my normal-feeling self? Counterintuitive, huh? Nonetheless, my blockage – both nasal and otherwise – seem to be on the pathway to clearness after following just that plan.

Brain scientist, stroke survivor and author, Jill Bolte Taylor offers that it takes only 90 seconds for the chemical release and physiological response of an emotion to be triggered, surge through our body and be completely flushed out of our bloodstream. We have a choice as to whether we mentally hold onto the pain and allow it to further poison our system, or allow ourselves the cleansing benefit of fully experiencing the surge when it arises. Wednesday I allowed my grief to expand and flow through me. It’s definitely harder than it sounds, but one of the reasons I’m recording this memory is perhaps next time, I’ll mentally get to this knowledge sooner and my body won’t have to pull out all the stops to slow me down when an uncomfortable emotion arises again. I’ve come to learn there’s nothing linear about life. We don’t get to grieve or forgive or cry, be angry or laugh just once and then be done. Life is a cyclical process that turns back on itself again and again as onward we go!

Is there an intense feeling you’ve been avoiding? Will you allow yourself 90 seconds of pure emotion today? Go ahead, throw rocks into the ocean. Crank up the blues music. Dance with abandon until your toes tingle with joy. Think about it.

Start your own Drum Circle

2011-04-25T14:15:00.000-07:00

The sound of drums calls through the crystal blue sky. Beckoning. Singing. Saying, “Come play with us. All are welcome here.” The message is clear. “Find a perch on the grassy knoll, soak up some sunshine and live your own rhythm. Welcome to the World Rhythm Festival. Welcome to life.”

Saturday was my first experience in a community drum circle, but not my first in finding my personal rhythm. If you’ve never participated in a drum circle, it’s quite an experience. From out of the silence, a lone drummer begins. Soon another joins in, percussion instruments follow and, if you’re lucky, a bass carries the heartbeat. It’s a magical experience as multifarious people of assorted talent levels come together to create music. Dancers step into the mix and uniquely sway to the emerging beats. All elements are essential to creating this life-engaging experience.

One dancer swayed on the outer perimeter of the circle and I wondered why he steered clear of the middle and whether he longed to be center stage. Later as we had a brief conversation, I realized his perfect rhythm was to be exactly where he was – nothing more or less. Many of us don’t listen that well. If everyone isn’t doing it (whatever “it” is), we draw back because it might not be acceptable. We choose to listen to everyone else’s rhythm and find ourselves out of sync, and thus missing out on our unique part of life's harmony.

My part in Saturday’s experience was to sit on the knoll and play my djembe. I didn’t need to be the one to start or stop the circle. My role this day was harmony, and in that I was perfectly content. I was grateful for those who brilliantly began each round of music and less appreciative of those who exerted an odd power to bring the circle to an unnatural close. In practicing our personal rhythms, it’s important to know when we must follow the beat of our own drum and when it feels best to play harmony. There’s magic in listening to the pulse and finding the simpatico places both within and without.

Take a moment and imagine leaning into your own grassy knoll and soaking up the sunshine of your personal rhythm. What instrument would you play? What role would be yours? Where would you dance in the circle? What beat will you choose to follow?

World Rhythm Festival 2011 © lucy
My djembe & my friend, Carole © lucy 2011

Whidbey Island Wisdom

2011-04-21T20:39:00.000-07:00

The cormorant perches on a half-submerged buoy, both floating in the transparent morning light – not sunny, not quite gray with a touch of gentle mist in the air. Ocean angel opens her wings and balances like a scene from The Karate Kid. What does Madame Cormorant say to me? Balance, my dear. It’s time to regain your balance.

Swallows chase playfully past the bedroom window – moving at such speed they threaten to bounce off the crystal clear glass separating our worlds. Oh, precious swallows what say you? Play. Play. Play. It’s the essential beat of your heart. Wait no longer to play. It is the air you live and breathe.

Waves rhythmically lap against the sandy shore – licking the wet gray sand with their gentle tongue, kissing the earth while holding floating fowl. Love, they whisper to me. Open your heart like the cormorant. Play with abandon like the swallows. Kiss the world with sweet compassion.

I just had the incredible pleasure of spending two days on Whidbey Island, dreaming and scheming with wonderful friends. Above is the view and wisdom the Island offered to me. May your days be filled with earthly wonder!

Book Review: Heaven by Lisa Miller

2011-04-19T21:00:00.000-07:00

"As Emily Dickinson said, heaven is what we cannot reach. But it is worth a human life to try." -- Lisa Miller

In her recent book, Heaven, author Lisa Miller, takes on the challenging task of bringing new light to a topic that has been pondered throughout eternity and for which there ultimately is no conclusive proof. It is a subject rooted across religions and everyone from agnostic to fundamentalist has an opinion. In her author's note, Miller states, "While I do not aim to be inclusive, I did try to write a book that's broad and balanced enough to give every interested reader something to chew on." In that she has succeeded.

The book is filled with interesting historical facts, modern theatrical interpretations as well as literary excerpts about how our images of heaven have developed. Miller's skill as a journalist shines through with her thorough research and anecdotal interviews. My favorite passages were those in which she interviewed "real" people who were both passionate and certain about their beliefs, as well as others who answered her question "do you believe in heaven" by not answering it at all.

One rapt interview matched Miller, a skeptical Jewish woman married to a baptized Catholic turned nonbeliever, against Anne Graham Lotz the daughter of the late evangelist Billy Graham. Miller describes Lotz as warm, likable, and direct in her belief that every born-again Christian will ascend to heaven as part of the choice based in accepting Jesus Christ as personal Savior. At the end of the segment (after being witnessed to by Lotz), Miller reveals a transparent vulnerability as she writes, "Lotz's certainty made me squeamish... I know she's wrong, I thought. But what if she's right?" As with universal discussions on God, Heaven tickles the curious notion of how we can take comfort in (or be squeamish about) something we cannot unequivocally know.

Along with the interviews, Miller weaves data and research as she broaches broad topics of resurrection, salvation, visionaries and the boringness of heaven. She does a beautiful job writing a book about religion that anyone - moderates, fundamentalists, nonbelievers and people of all faiths - can read without offense. In many ways, Heaven is a brief history of the major religions with a focus around a topic everyone has pondered from time to time. Parts of Heaven resonated deeply with me while others had me skimming over pages that at times felt repetitive. Nonetheless, Miller has taken a daunting topic and distilled it into 250 pages which are well worth reading for anyone fascinated with the after life.

Does she provide answers? Are there any really? Have you witnessed heaven yourself? Think about it. From where do your thoughts and opinions on this topic arise? A glimpse into Miller's Heaven offers much food for thought on a timeless topic.

This review is part of the TLC book review tour for Harper-Collins at their request.

My Friend, Acedia

2011-04-15T16:50:00.000-07:00

Oh my, I’ve had quite a few days. After reading Christine’s reflection early in the week, I realized I’ve been caught up in a bout of acedia (i.e. lack of desire or initiative.) Rather than sinking into it or being curious, I grumbled and complained about not feeling good or getting anything done. This managed to only feed the overall sense of blah and keep me from (surprise surprise) feeling good or getting anything done.

This morning something began to shift as I decided to have a conversation with my companion. It went something like this:

Me: Hello, Acedia. What do you have to teach me?
Acedia: Patience, faith and the ability to sit in discomfort.
Me: Oh. But, I like things to happen quickly. I am a fearless warrior. I like to step in and heal things – quickly. (Oh geez, I sound arrogant. Somehow thinking I’m magical and believing I’m in control. My Ego is operating on high. )

Me: Hello, Acedia. What else have you got?
Acedia: I’m here to humble you. To let you taste that place of despair.
Me: Yuk, and?
Acedia: You haven’t been there in awhile, but you are not immune. All your tricks and magic won’t keep you from feeling pain and despair. It’s time to make peace with me and stop battling. Do you not see the risk? The more you battle, the stronger my hold becomes.
Me: Hmmm. Very interesting.

Then Acedia and I had a little conversation about the should’s. Beginning with the thought of “I should know better”. Having done tons of therapy, practicing as a therapist/life coach/spiritual director and overall being a pretty grounded and solid person, I have somehow convinced myself I shouldn't have bad days or make mistakes. (How realistic is that?!?!?). Thinking the thought of “I should know better”, I felt the weight of responsibility and the amount of EGO attached to it. It leaves me trying to do other people’s work for them AND messing around in God's business. It takes me totally away from the business of caring for myself. When I let go of the thought, "I should know better", I burst out laughing as I realized what a total mind-game that is... Geez Louise.

Using Byron Katie's technique of the Turnaround, my thought shifted something like this, and with it, the acedia lifted:

I shouldn't know better... Whew! I can only know what I know.

I do know better... I have everything I need and I can see it when I get out of my own way.

God knows best... I'm part of the Universe (God) and it takes all parts - the space - the light - the dark - the "mistakes" – the acedia – the fearlessness – the glory - ALL of it – to create a whole human being.

It appears I need to keep learning these lessons over and over again. Ain’t life grand?

Shedding My Should's - or - the Albatross and the Lizard

2011-04-09T12:13:00.000-07:00

Recently I’ve been intrigued by a friend’s interaction with her purse. Yes, her purse. She has referred to it as an albatross around her neck and has been in the process of cleaning out this “heavy” bag. As a curious companion, I couldn't resist posing these questions to her:

Why wouldn't you eliminate something that is heavy and helps bring on migraines (impairs your health)?

How would it feel to go about your business unencumbered?

Why do you keep schlepping it around?

What do you gain by holding onto this heavy "albatross"?

Since my curiosity often peaks when something inside me is stirring, it was no surprise that today's Abbey of the Arts Lenten reflection prompted me to look in the mirror and ask myself basically the same questions I had just offered my friend.

What do I schlep around that encumbers my journey? What can I relinquish today?

Answer: I want to shed my should’s. They are my “albatross” and feel oh so very heavy. Through journaling and self-reflection, I ended up exploring today’s should which sounds something like: I should take care of myself. Is this true? Absolutely! Taking care of ourselves is a great thing to which I’m wholeheartedly dedicated. So what's the problem? Regarding my personal response to self-care, I’ve discovered an interesting space where I balance precariously between finding true rest and moving into a restless or paralyzing, non-productive state. This seems a direct result of the resistance I feel when I hear the word SHOULD.

My tricky lizard (the part of our brains that thrives on fear) somehow can convince me that doing something "restful", like watching two or three episodes of Brothers & Sisters (instead of reading or sleeping) will leave me refreshed. By staying up late, however, I end up exhausted and with nothing to show for it. On the other hand, I resist a push-push-push mentality and the “should” factor of always being "productive". Nonetheless, I know I’m much happier when I’ve done some writing, cleaned a closet, gone for a walk or intentionally snuggled with Aslan. My sneaky lizard, however, can pull me away from the things I love in the name of self-care and what I should (or should not) be doing. Oh, tricky tricky lizard!

When I play with the statement: I should take care of myself, it feels heavy like an obligation (or an albatross). Should’s are extremely weighty!! Should’s take away the gift and joy of simply doing and being. When I entertain the place of should (e.g. I should be taking care of others; should be working; should be eating cardboard diet food instead of delicious chocolate), I get caught up in fear (lizard brain) which for me ultimately leads to resentment. I begin to lose my presence and joy with others, resist my work, and punish my body for holding me hostage.

I know that shedding the should’s leads to greater joy and balance in life. It’s something I experience on a regular basis. Now, if I can just convince that sneaky lizard to leave me alone perhaps I can enjoy this present moment. Perchance the albatross and lizard should make a play date? Hmmmm.

Today, I want to relinquish my should’s. Care to join me? I’d love to hear what should’s keep you feeling heavy and encumbered. What albatross is hanging around your neck? What is your lizard whispering in your ear?

Happy to be an Outcast

2011-04-06T09:27:00.000-07:00

(Abba Nilus) said, “Happy is the monk who thinks he is the outcast of all.” (Nilus 8)

“Both the inner monk and inner artist are border-dwellers. Neither fit neatly into mainstream society as they both call us to new ways of being and seeing. The monk calls the world to spaciousness and presence rather than rushing and productivity. The monk takes the hard and demanding path of inner work and growth when the world constantly offers possible ways to numb us from these struggles.” - Christine Valters Paintner

Living on the edges while fully participating in life is a paradoxical way of being. For some reason I am reminded of the movie “Field of Dreams” where the principle character, Ray, played by Kevin Costner received the message, “If you build it, they will come.” This prompted Ray to step out of the normal paradigm of life into something that appeared crazy to the world around him. His rewards were more magnificent than anything he could have dreamed.

My life has turned into a field of dreams. It happens by living on the edges moment by moment. Stopping to smell the roses. Being in awe of the fresh green sprouts pushing through the earth. Cherry blossoms burst into full bloom and take my breath away. My world continues to expand as I follow my heart’s desire.

Living life as an “outcast” is exhilarating (while also holding moments of isolation). At a time when my peers are extolling the woes of aging, I’m in the best overall health of my life. My passport acquired in 2003 is annually adding new countries – sometimes as a woman traveling alone (gasp). I started graduate school at 47. Skydived at 49. I’ve been known to break into fits of uncontrollable laughter for no apparent reason or run through a public fountain in the midst of gleeful children. I am more in touch with God/Spirit/Life than ever before even though I “left the church” years ago. My children are quite “nontraditional” and still I’m a very proud mama.

The top comes down in my convertible if the temperature breaks 45F and it’s a particularly sunny winter day. I say 'No' at times when others expect me to say 'Yes'. A pink tutu topped my Christmas list last year. Crows call me Magic. Friends call me Crazy. I call myself Brilliant. (Audacious, huh?)

My cat, Aslan, can occupy my attention for hours by purring in my lap or doing circus tricks with my spouse. Bella, my desert ship, always makes me smile even though she snarled at me during her break. (I might have done the same thing.) My world is driven by Spirit. Refining and expanding lead my way, because even though what I have in this moment is Enough, I know abundance is my friend and thoughts of scarcity keep me limited.

I offer gratitude for my trials and rejoice in new opportunities to learn. I rage & scream & bellow at injustice, and then I let it go. I don’t “play nice” anymore. Nice kept me locked up like a prisoner for too many years. I am kind and I am free. Sanity is boring. Kookiness means loving life as it is. If this is living on the edges – it rocks!!!

Where do you long to break free and live on the edges? Invite your inner monk and artist to guide you toward the border. Perhaps you're already there. Woohoo! Let's play!!

Bella © 2010

Get Your Shine On!

2011-04-04T08:09:00.000-07:00

"See how far the little candle throws its beams! So shines a good deed in a naughty world." -- William Shakespeare

Western philosophy has taught that suffering is a normal state of life on earth. Enjoyment is something reserved for children, retirees or hedonists. If we're super busy then we are important. If we work limitless hours and don't have an extra moment then we're successful. If we feel really good about ourselves then we must be slacking off in another area. Striving toward perfection is a noble goal, but one that must be minimized with humility and false modesty.

Bottom Line? This line of thinking is flawed and in my humble opinion, a bunch of hooey. I am a sincere believer that we are all created perfectly and joy is our natural state of well-being. Over the course of life our perfection gets marred with expectations of what others think and then our own minds take over and we become mired in a world of "I could never" or "If only." We get stuck in mediocrity and our brilliance loses its shine.

What if our mission in life became to return to our original perfection? What if we were called to peel off the layers of expectation and ultimately gleam in all our glory and return to a childlike state of joy? I invite you to take a moment and play with the following statements: First allow yourself to ingest this... I am a worthless person who doesn't deserve anything. Notice how that proclamation sits in your body. Now, try this one on: I am a glorious creation designed to bring beauty and light to the world. Can you feel the difference?

Wouldn't life be more enjoyable and fulfilling if you lived as a glorious creation rather than a worthless nobody? The key is to trust your felt experience. Seriously, it's OK. If a thought causes you suffering then it isn't true. (This doesn't refer to tangible pain from physical injury or grief over actual loss.) Suffering is that suffocating, deadening, hopelessness that keeps you stuck in circumstances. It is not to be confused with the wild, sometimes raw and exhilarating excitement that comes from letting your inner self shine and living into the person you were created to be.

Think about it. What will you choose? Mediocrity or brilliance?

Ready to move toward brilliance? diamonds in the soul invites you to Get Your Shine On today.

Caught between Tangible & Intangible

2011-03-31T17:08:00.001-07:00

Today’s Lenten questions:
“What are the things you feel pulled between in your own life?”
“How are you being called to a greater experience of wholeness and integration?”

Isn’t that our greatest movement – the steps that propel us toward wholeness and integration? Living a life of integrity and not lies. The pull of life on the grand scale between love and fear. How will I step into the places of love? Where will fear seek to overcome my integrity?

In my recent post, a commenter asked what areas of growth I thought the robin’s song was signaling – spiritual, professional or relational? My response was that it feels like they’re all nestled together. My spirituality encircles everything I do and my professional life is all about relationship. I feel pulled or torn between being a go-with-the-flow, follow-my-heart, don’t-worry-about-time–or-money kind of woman and the get-‘er-done, make-a-list, be-productive, earn-a-living while tangibly-using-my-gifts messages that run through my mind. I am caught between the tangible and intangible.

Tangible output receives praise, financial reward, acknowledgement and results in physical product. This approach glorifies product over process. Process (or the intangible) comes from the times I sit curled on my sofa with music playing and candle lit simply allowing myself to be. Ineffable moments not limited by time or space. It is 'output' that can’t be quantified (nor should it be). Yet even this sacred time can be subjected to productivity results if I judge the quality by how many pages I pen or the number of minutes my meditation lasts. The challenge for me is to simply BE(E).

While in Egypt last fall, I received the word Be(e) during a very special ritual. It is proving to be quite a powerful presence for me. Bees are longtime symbols for accomplishing the impossible. The bee is a perfect totem for this place of being caught between tangible and intangible, product over process, because in reality both are necessary to achieve the balance my heart desires.

Be. It all comes back to this for me. Greater wholeness and integration calls me to this place where tangible and intangible meet and dissolve into one. Where product and process find their perfect balance. Where prayer becomes a way of being and being becomes a way of prayer.

Will you ponder today’s questions alongside me?

Robin's Song

2011-03-29T08:30:00.000-07:00

I awoke feeling a little restless today. Kind of excited and a bit overwhelmed. That’s what sometimes happens when life presents so many full possibilities – ranging from new creative adventures to curling up with my Lenten readings.

While sitting at my desk just now, I caught sight of a glorious robin sitting at the tip top of a barren tree. She takes my breath away as I hear her song across the rumble of a school bus and the music playing gently in the background of my room. Her wings flap and I see the brilliant orange of her chest. Ahhh. Breathe. One. Two. Three. Four. I am here now.

A friend wrote me last week about a robin that’s been banging on her window whenever she tries to sleep or read in her room. My friend was not quite as enamored with her robin and was considering homicide (due to sleep deprivation). I encouraged her to not shoot the bird as it might be a sign of new growth in her life.

When I revisited Animal Speak this morning these words for robin showed up:

“The song of the robin is a cheery, rolling trill. Part of its purpose is to help the robin establish territory… This is very significant when robin shows up in your life… it reflects a need to sing your own song forth if you wish for new growth. Any confrontations or hindrances are more show than actual threats, so go forward.”

Oh my, there’s the call of the fierce warrior yet again. Breathe. One. Two. Three. Four. I am here now.

Where are you being called to sing your own song? Can you offer it with a cheery rolling, trill like the robin?

© robin's song 3.29.11

Fierce Warrior

2011-03-26T10:21:00.000-07:00

“How are you called to be fierce in your commitment to…?” (This question posed by Abbey of the Arts Lenten Retreat)

I am a fierce warrior. This I know to be true. Nonetheless, I have a hard time understanding how other people see me because of conflicting messages. Shy – the label of my childhood. Bitch – the critical murmurs that followed me as I learned to stand up for myself and set appropriate boundaries. Peaceful. Contemplative. Mean. Brilliant. Crazy.

There have been times in life when making a controversial decision has taken all the strength and courage I could muster. It was terrifying and it was absolutely the right thing to do. To walk away from someone or something you love is the hardest thing in the world. Agonizing. Painful. True. Even harder is to step back in when your heart’s been broken. Rewards beyond our wildest imagination beckon us forward. Risk of rejection looms with infinite magnitude.

We reject ourselves all the time out of fear. I can’t do that… I could never… When we hear those words coming out of our mouths – beware! Especially when they sound like: My child would never.. I’ll never allow… This is just the way life is… Absolutes get us into trouble most of the time. Words like: I can’t or I won’t are rigid and stifle our growth and creative movement. They also push us away from what we are authentically called to do and be. They leave us passive and without choice or responsibility.

I daily choose to step into the places that scare me. I’m not frozen with fear to do the hard or unpopular things especially if it will benefit another’s growth (or my own). There is a Hindu mudra called Abhaya. It is a gesture asserting power and giving peace at the same time. The Buddah is said to have quelled a rampaging elephant with this simple gesture. In it I see both compassion and fight. So, as I fill-in-the-blank to the above question, my answer becomes Compassion. I am called to be fierce in my commitment to compassion for myself and the world. Finding compassion in the fight, and fight in the compassion. Yes, I am a fierce warrior.

And you? Where are you called to be fierce in your commitment?

(btw-this post is my scary thing today...)

Just Be(e)

2011-03-23T14:53:00.000-07:00

"Of all that God has shown me
I can speak just the smallest word,
Not more than a honey bee
Takes on his foot
From an overspilling jar."

—Mechtild of Magdeburg

"bee hind" ©h3images

Returning Home

2011-03-22T07:27:00.001-07:00

We have the ability to lose ourselves so easily with a thought, a word, a deed, an action. But in the losing, we leave space to be found - to find - to return.

Home. What a beautiful word filled with resonance and rich meaning. To me "home" represents the deep internal space where I am fully known. It resides in the center of fullness that is so simple and complex, it becomes wordless. Home provides shelter, warmth and comfort. It contains all of our fears, doubts and greatest joys. It is the place where we operate on all cylinders - not shutting down any area of shadow or light.

This past week I was part of an experience called "Returning Home." My role was as facilitator, but my open heart could not help but receive as participant. I returned home to Soltura (the foundation for healing and personal growth) after a break of nearly two years. The experience was reminiscent of (& profoundly in sync with) the desert time I have been following during my Lenten practice. Like the desert fathers and mothers, we committed to remove ourselves from normal lives, set aside distractions and within carefully designed boundaries find our own unique rhythm(s). In this way, we returned home.

Through experience, I discovered a fresh way to the rhythm of healing - for myself, relationships and others. Through honor and delight, the spiraling movements from deep within spread their wings into the world.

How will you commit to return home today? For yourself and thus for the world...

"port orchard heron" © ksh 3/2011

Lenten Pilgrimage

2011-03-17T03:00:00.000-07:00

Somehow the season of Lent allows me to sink more deeply into listening, waiting and letting go. Delightful themes and synchronistic opportunities have presented themselves abundantly and the journey has barely begun. As I mentioned in my last post, I had the beautiful opportunity of physically going on pilgrimage to the desert last fall. In conjunction with that trip, my fabulous guide invited me to write a short article for an upcoming website. It was indeed a delight when Christine @ Abbey of the Arts then invited the Lenten pilgrims to answer this question:

How have great pilgrimages and journeys brought you to a new insight about your daily life?

Today, I am pleased to share the words I had already penned for my Sapira friend.

Pilgrimage calls us to find that which is essential. We learn through preparation and packing for the journey. Along the way, we explore what nourishes us through feast of eyes, body and soul. Necessity changes shape as normal routines drift away. Paring down and moving toward simplicity, a sense timelessness envelops those who dare to step into the unknown.

Having participated in three intentional journeys (two of them with Sapira), I have come to know more of myself, and the world as a whole, through these travels. To fully enter a pilgrimage is to take off your shoes and stand on Holy ground. My toes have curled in the chilling loam of Ireland and danced across the swirling sands of the Sinai. My heart has opened by stepping into the gentle rhythms of the pilgrim’s clock. Pilgrimage is like walking an ancient labyrinth – each step intentional with no straight pathway – moving toward center and then returning back into the world with heart and soul forever changed.

My blessings envelop each of you who stops by this place. My hope is you will move more deeply toward your own center during this Lenten season and return back into the world with your heart and soul forever changed.

Peace.

Desert Blooms

2011-03-13T09:44:00.001-07:00

In October of 2010, I had the amazing privilege of journeying to the Sinai of Egypt. During this season of Lent, I am being called to return to the desert - this time in my thoughts and prayer life. There is a barrenness in the desert landscape that is in sharp contrast to the life I experience at home in the Pacific Northwest. We are surrounded by buckets of rain and lush foliage bursting with color. It can be a challenging shift between the landscapes and I am grateful to have the wisdom of the desert fathers and mothers to guide me. This morning as I pondered Christine's words of blossoming and desolation, I couldn't help but remember my camel ride through the Sinai.

My perfect mentor showed up in the form of a majestic and sultry camel named Bella. She would be my wisdom guide for that day, and she lingers with me now as I rest over 6,000 miles around the globe. Bella was truly a desert queen and knew exactly how to find blossoms in the desert. She bloomed by following her own rhythm, and in these things we have much in common. Oh my, I love that camel. We started our day with a Bedouin boy holding the ropes. Slowly slowly we built trust until ultimately I received the reins. Nonetheless it was Bella who led.

This glorious creature had an uncanny way of spotting the smallest shade of green hundreds of feet ahead. She would subtly pull away from the crowd and with precision-like focus make her way to the nourishing Acacia bush. After dining, Bella and I would take our time wandering and pondering through the dry land. At times we moved slowly and walked along the edges of our tribe. Sometimes the pace was brisk and we bumped up alongside other pilgrims. When spying the blossoms before us, we pulled away from the herd to reach our destination.

As I remember Bella and write these words, it becomes clear this will be my Lenten journey - a season woven with times of rest, nourishment and activity. I must make time for my own rhythm and meditate in my cell as I surrender to the voices of Sabbath. Community will be important, for there I am called to laugh and love. The discipline of the practice offers me restoration and rejuvenation.

Like Bella and I in the desert, we don't have a map and cannot be certain what lies ahead. There is barrenness and desolation along the way, and nourishment blossoms in the most unexpected places. Welcome to the desert. I am grateful to be here. How about you?

Quiet Voice of Wisdom

2011-03-09T08:58:00.000-08:00

The season of Lent begins today with Ash Wednesday. Words like surrender, sabbath, and begin again greet me with the journey. Step by step I inquire where I'm going. Today happens to be a day with a bit more spaciousness surrounding me. While I have lots to do, I don't have any "official" meetings scheduled so I am able to slow down and listen more deeply. For some reason a great scene from the book Eat, Pray, Love keeps coming to my mind. (btw - the scene is in the movie, but doesn't do the book justice) In the passage, Elizabeth Gilbert has her first intentional meeting with God. As she waits for wisdom in a time of crisis, she hears the simple words, "Go back to bed, Liz." This scene is so profound for me, because that is how I often experience the still small voice of wisdom.

Today's quiet has offered direction moment by moment: read this, write that, shower now, rest, fix dinner, sit, rest, and so on. When asked a question offered by Abbey of the Arts, these words arose:

What is the grace I am seeking this Holy season?

Surrender to the voices of Sabbath.
Let the timelessness was over you.
Trust. Laugh. Love more.
Rest and restore.

What is your still small voice inviting today? What grace are you seeking this season?

Drafty Window - Part 2

2011-03-02T13:32:00.001-08:00

"Someone touched me; I know that power has gone out from me." - Luke 8:46

In my last post, I wrote about my drafty window and today the conversation continues. As I ponder the warm air seeping out my window, I'm reminded of Jesus' story when he felt his power leave him as the woman in need of healing touched his garment. He said, "Someone has touched me." Is this how I feel as I'm aware of others' pain? Does compassionate power flow out to meet others' needs? Do I offer it willingly or is it sucked out unknowingly? Is warm air drawn out with the draft or does cold air come pouring through the window? How does another's hurt blow through the crack in my heart?

Compassionate hearts are at risk of being drained of their own life. Sacrificial giving can end in death. So, today I ponder the balance between offering myself in service of others and protecting my warmth and health enough to have something left to give. It's like the leaky window. Do I want to plug the cracks so the cold can't get in? If I do, does this mean my warmth will no longer flow out?

Drafty Window

2011-02-24T08:01:00.000-08:00

"Other people's pain is the wind on our house(s)." -- Betsy Pearson

The favorite room in my home is my studio and office. It is painted a brilliant color that brightens my day every time I see it. The walls are adorned with art and artifacts I've intentionally collected and each piece holds significant meaning. My studio is a place I can get messy, play and also work very hard. It's a place of comfort and rest, so it's ironic that it also encompasses one of my least favorite things - a drafty window.

Pondering this window with a friend, it came to represent a powerful metaphor in my life. The window has its special qualities which make it hard to replace. It folds gently in the middle thus allowing fresh air to pour in during the warm months while also buffering the wind which can be too chilly in this Northwest climate. There is a certain amount of protection and control from the climate. In the winter, however, the North wind blows stridently and seeps through the broken seals. Even as I wrap myself in cozy quilts, the air is chilled and impacts my warm heart. It's like the whole world is coming in through the cracks and there isn't enough heat to warm us all. It is the blessing and curse of having a heart broken wide open. There is a crack in everything that's how the pain gets in. Sometimes there is enough warmth and compassion. Other times the draft chills me to the bone.

• Step outside and feel the air on your skin
• Imagine each breath of air contains someone's pain and another's joy
• Breathe deeply and experience the connection with the whole world
• With your out-breath, send a warm blanket of love, joy and compassion into the Universe

More Anne Lamott...

2011-02-18T17:19:00.000-08:00

"Asking for something is risky: I might be refused. But if I don't even ask, I'll never hear "yes." - Karen Casey

If you're one of the three people I know who hasn't heard me talk about my meeting with Anne Lamott, then this post is for you. My wild story began with placing Lamott's image on a vision board - here - which was followed up by an experience of actually meeting her in person - here.

This post is about the power of setting an intention and asking for what we really want. Last week I submitted my article to Spiritual Directors International re: the time with Anne Lamott. When I heard back from the editor, she said she loved the piece and would like to use it in their May publication. May seemed like such a long way off and my essential self said, "I want more... now"!! So... I asked. Long story short - they printed the article yesterday on their blogsite and will run it again in their May publication. I am thrilled and so proud of myself for having the courage to ask for what I desired. Remember - if you don't ask, you can't receive YES!!

Where does your heart long for more? Is it possible all you need to do is ask?

I hope you'll click on over to the SDI site and read my post there. Please say, YES.

comfy couch by lucy

Clear Your Windshield

2011-02-13T19:54:00.000-08:00

Under ideal circumstances, my morning meditation leads to setting an intention for the day. A few days ago the words "clean and clear" popped into my mind. As I pondered their meaning, I recalled the previous morning when I arrived at my car only to find a hard frost covering the windshield. Being in a hurry to get to yoga, I was frustrated and didn't have time to properly scrape the windows. (Rushing and frustrated to yoga?!?!? I know. I know...) Using my Seattle Art Museum membership card as a not-very-effective tool, I managed to clear just enough space to peek out the windshield. It was still dark outside and the space was narrow, so I was on high alert as my body crouched tightly the entire way to class. Anxiety was my companion, because I didn't know when a bike, car or pedestrian might cross my dimly lit path. It was quite uncomfortable yet I pressed on because I was in a rush. I managed to arrive at my destination without incident, but the way certainly wasn't very "clean and clear."

Isn't this just like life? When we're not clean and clear with ourselves (i.e. when we ignore our feelings or circumstances), we jump or startle when something comes out of the dark and/or live life curled up inside ourselves. How much better would it be to have a clear windshield and less obstructed vision? Doesn't clean and clear sound more satisfying than crouched and constricted? The obstacles don't necessarily go away, but with clean space we have increased opportunity to see clearly.

Where does your windshield need a little more clearing? Want some help getting clean with your personal intentions? I'd love to lend a hand (or an ear). Check this out...

Meeting Anne Lamott - or Do you Believe in Magic Pt. 2

2011-02-07T07:49:00.000-08:00

"It's not convenient to be a seeker. You may look a little nutty." -- Anne Lamott

I believe. I believe in God, magic, and a universe that comes together in indescribable ways. I believe in my power to make things happen and I understand I have control over nothing - absolutely nothing. I believe each and every moment in time has the opportunity to be life-changing. They are all worthy of being placed in the mosaic of our life. Some pieces just shine a little brighter, but even within those chards are miniscule elements forming to create the whole.

Saturday was one of those shining moments for me. When did the elements begin to form? As my wise son offered, "Mom, who knows how or why things aligned like they did, but they did." Yep, they sure did. Magic happened. God showed up. The universe did its thing and I met one of the greatest writing inspirations in my life, Anne Lamott. Holy Cow! I seriously met her, as in was introduced, sat down, held hands and prayed together MET! Over 1,000 people in attendance at Seattle University's "Search for Meaning" event and I (only I) had a private conference with her. How the heck did that happen?!?!?

The series of seemingly uneventful happenings could fill pages. In a nutshell, it went something like this: somewhere between my envisioning, I invited a friend to go with me, we ran into her friend who happened to be getting coffee for Anne, when I offhandedly mentioned my article, and the next thing I knew, the keynote speech was ending and my friend and I were being ushered backstage like rock star groupies. "You'll have just a few moments with her, because she's really not seeing any press today." "I'm not press," my panicked self sputtered. OMG, my inner critic started yammering "Fraud! Fraud! You're a Fraud!" My essential self got me into this mess by following my heart and then my social self took over. Be perfect. Intelligent. You have to make the most of this time. She's more important than you. They're going to know you're a fraud. And with all of those words, my brilliant and calm self vanished into thin air until I sat there sputtering like a bumbling fool. Finally I said, "I think I just need to breathe." In that moment, I remembered why I admire Anne Lamott as she offered me grace by taking my shaking hands and said, "Let's pray. Would that be ok?"

Yes, I believe in God, magic, and moments when I know there is a power greater than I. Period.

Stay tuned for more wisdom from this day and my article for Spiritual Directors International coming soon.

Do you believe in magic?

2011-02-04T03:06:00.000-08:00

"Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people. It will keep you cramped and insane your whole life, and it is the main obstacle between you and a sh*tty first draft." -- Anne Lamott

I’ve carried around a picture of author Anne Lamott for nearly two years. It's been tucked in my image folder - waiting. I’ve also been in love with Lamott's style ever since I heard the concept of writing the “sh*tty first draft.” Her words have motivated me out of many a creative slump and encouraged me to check my perfection at the door and thus put things out into the universe I never would have dreamed possible.

But, what does this have to do with magic? Well… I’m currently enrolled in an enrichment course and in the class we’re visioning what our ideal future looks like. For me, it’s all about feeling versus fact. Things like freedom, creativity, joy, play, spirituality, connection, curiosity & spontaneity – my absolute favorite things! In creating a vision board, I intuitively gathered images to capture my feelings and placed them on the mandala. Lamott’s picture is the perfect reminder for me to Keep Writing! So, on she went. (Check out 3:00-ish on the board).

What's so magic about that you may ask? Well... less than 48 hours after completing the board, I got a phone call from Liz Ellman, the director of Spiritual Directors International, inviting me to attend Seattle U's “Search for Meaning” and subsequently author a piece covering the keynote speakers… Drum roll, please. Anne Lamott and Tarik Ramadan. I nearly fell out of my chair!!!

Of course I’m going and the visioning continues in my mind. I now see myself at the event chatting it up with Ms. Lamott (actually, she’s invited me to call her Anne.) When I introduce myself she intuitively knows I’m special and a part of her tribe. She hands me her card and says, “Call me anytime.” Or better yet, “I’m alone here in town. Could you grab a bite after this? I’d love to hear more about your work and your “Sam”. Oh yea, I’m cool, calm, collected and oh so very excited. She loves the idea of my new book, “Pondering with Presence” and hopes we’ll stay in contact. {pinch pinch}

The magic continued when yesterday on our class group call, the instructor randomly made a reference to none other than dear Ms. Lamott. We weren't even talking about writing! So, this post is my confessional and 2nd vision board. Methinks, I’ll go for broke and print it out. Perhaps when I hand her my copy of bird by bird for autograph, I’ll slip her the letter along with my business card. I mean what’s the worst that could happen? Arrest? Psychiatric commitment? She tosses it in the trash? Public humiliation? She’s not a nice person? (I think that would be the worst!) Perhaps she’ll at least admire my bravado and be just a little curious about whether or not we belong to the same tribe ☺. Do you think she believes in magic?

Ok… Time to wake up from dreamland and get on with the tasks of the day. Who knows what will happen next? I believe in magic. Do you?

Celebrate St. Brigid

2011-02-01T05:46:00.000-08:00

Today is the feast day of St. Brigid of Kildare. I can feel her flame burning in my heart and the warmth of my dear friend’s embrace as we stand on the holy ground of Brigid’s well. St. Brigid of fire and water, you are a kindred spirit kindling the flame. My flame of passion and fire burn strong. A passion for life and living it to the fullest - not just watching the days go by, but truly embracing them.

Certainly there are times when my flame simmers rather than blazes. A time of tending in the night as when the Celtic women put their fire to rest – minding the fire so it could and would be rekindled at the break of day. How do I tend my fire? Today with an early rising – allowing time and space. (A fire needs space to breathe, or it suffocates when the wood is packed too closely.) A hot shower and steaming coffee warm me inside and out. The lamp’s glow illuminates my surroundings. And in my heart, I hold warm memories of standing at Kildare with the spirit of dear St. Brigid.

“May the blessing of light be on you, light without and light within. May the blessed sunlight shine upon you and warm your heart till it glows like a great peat fire, so that the stranger may come and warm himself/herself at it, and also a friend. And may the light shine out of the eyes of you, like a candle set in the windows of a house, bidding the wanderer to come in out of the storm.” --Irish Blessing

Peace be with you on this feast day of St. Brigid of Kildare. May the fire in your own heart be illumined and warmed today and always.

© St. Brigid - 2009

A is of Annealing & Alchemy

2011-01-26T08:07:00.001-08:00

This morning I discovered a new word, annealing. "Annealing" is a heat treatment wherein a material is altered, causing changes in its properties such as strength and hardness. It is a process that produces conditions by heating to above the recrystallization temperature and maintaining a suitable temperature and then cooling. Annealing is used to soften material, relieve internal stresses, refine the structure by making it homogeneous and improve cold working properties.

The description resonates so clearly with what has been seen as my "original medicine" - the ability to raise the heat level higher than normal temperatures, foster a shift in conditions and refine structure. My desire and ability to step into the hard places (Johnny Cash and Martha Beck call it "the ring of fire") while holding a space of compassion and kindness allow the dross to be burned away. Heating can feel dangerous and it's risky to step out of our comfort zone. I continue to learn from personal experience beginning with the time in my life when it became evident my children weren't willing or able to maintain malleable existences. It became imperative for someone (me) to shift out of a brittle existence and move into something more free flowing - otherwise the fracture could have become irreparable. So, I'm learning to "anneal".

Alchemy is a similar word I've been drawn to for awhile. It means the art of transmuting metals. I think of it in terms of seeking inner wisdom through a process of burning away the unnecessary shell to get to the precious gold (or diamonds) that reside within each of us. My original medicine is to find the gold in everything - including and perhaps especially fear. It's a little scary to announce to the world my own original medicine, but being one who supports stepping into the fiery ring, I choose to live it in order to give it.

While this post feels a little rambling, it's important for me to get some of these thoughts out there. I wish this blog offered polished thoughts, but alas, this is where my training wheels play. Or in the words of the wise Anne Lamott - this is where (reader beware) my sh*tty first draft often lands.

Annealing & alchemy. I invite you to consider where the process of softening and reshaping may be welcomed by stepping into your own ring of fire.

Original Medicine

2011-01-24T14:37:00.000-08:00

Refining and expanding seems to be a full time endeavor as I begin 2011. It's fantastic, exciting and has kept me away from these pages too long. I miss my blog peeps! I really do. AND - oh my, there's lots going on in Camp Lucy.

One of the foremost ideas on my mind these days is something called "original medicine." Gail Larsen shares this in her book, Transformational Speaking:

"...we are all "original medicine," born to this earth with gifts and talents that are ours and ours alone. If we do not bring those gifts and talents forward, they are lost to the world for all time."

Powerful stuff, huh? Within days of hearing about original medicine, I found myself working with this quote from Martha Graham:

"...because there is only one of you in all time, (your) expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The world will not have it."

These messages speak loudly to me and remind me that I have something to offer the world - even when my inner critic says, "Who do you think YOU are?" No one is me nor thinks exactly like I or has experienced what I have in the same ways. My goal/role is to find what wants to be birthed into the world - by me. If I keep my expression close to my heart, no one else has the chance see it, feel it or experience it. It's not my job to make others believe anything. It is my desire to share as authentically as I can, warts and all. This is integral to the process of refining and expanding.

If I live in a way that is transparent, authentic and open (TAO), others may begin to see that they, too, have permission to do the same. I lived for most of my life believing that everyone else had "it" figured out better than I. But, no one can figure out me better than I. No one else knows what makes my heart soar or my pulse quicken. Only I know what is best for me.

I'm not sure how much original medicine exists in this post, but my hope and prayer is that something sparks within you (as I ramble on reminding myself of my own spark.) And, if you need permission to share your original medicine... I, lucy of the light, take great pleasure and honor in granting it to you. Now, quick, go be you!!! Namaste.

© lucy & bella - sinai, 2010

Fruit or Veggie?

2011-01-13T19:48:00.000-08:00

Words - fruits - veggies... I wonder how else I will be defined this year...

How about you? If you could describe your essential self as a fruit or vegetable, what would it be and why?

Everyone is a teacher

2011-01-11T06:39:00.001-08:00

Reminder to self – Everyone is a teacher.

As a group facilitator, I often have the privilege of being taught by my students. During a day of reconnecting to creativity through restoration and rejuvenation, I invited participants to select an image to introduce themselves. The images were as varied as the people around our circle, but my teacher of the day presented in the form of a sprite of a woman, weighing no more than 90 pounds fully clothed and soaking wet. Well into her 80's with hair of spun silver, she wore a bright scarlet dress accessorized with a huge medical collar strapped around her neck.

With twinkling eyes, she held in her hand, a photo of a rugged snow-capped mountain with soaring peaks. Out of her mouth came the words, "I am one who explores the trails." Incongruous as it might seem for this frail woman to make such an unflinching statement, no one who witnessed this scene doubted her. In fact, I could actually envision her roaming that mighty mountain as she shared deeply from her heart, her memory, and even her future. With her words, her stature grew and she became the towering mountain. I could see all dreams come true - hers, mine, and the world's. It was a glorious moment.

To live fully is to believe in dreams, unflinching truth and living our heart's desire. Today’s teacher demonstrated all of those wrapped in a petite package of wisdom. May we each learn from her example.

Consider today:

· What is your heart's desire?

· What trails do you hope to travel this year?

· What would it mean to speak the truth out of your deepest desires?

Announcing... My Word(s) for the Year

2011-01-05T08:03:00.000-08:00

My words for the year have been colluding and whispering to me for weeks now. First I thought it was one and then the other, until finally I realized they were a pair that begs to work in tandem in the coming months. This morning I finally sat down and let them dominate my morning pages, so it seemed like as good a time as any to announce them here. Tada!!! Announcing....

Refine & Expand

What does it mean to refine and expand? To refine feels like letting go, not necessarily of big things although some will feel big. I love flexibility - movement - fluidity and "Water" (last year's word) emphasized both fluidity and flexibility. I also really like structure coupled with freedom of movement. I want to refine the structure of how I do things. Not necessarily the bold "Fire" way of two years ago, but softer - wiser - more delicate refinement. Like working on the tiny details of a painting, not with massive burst strokes across a giant canvas, but intricate adjustments like the light in an eye or the pollen of a bloom. Details. Refinement.

As I refine, there will naturally be expansion. "Dream Big" continues to show up and I know my life is meant to be Big. (Isn't yours?) I've experienced BIG hurts along the way, and in return - not as payback or to be fair - I've also experienced tremendous joy and contentment. When you let go of (refine) your hurts, the swing of the pendulum automatically makes room (expands) for great joy. Big risks offer Big paybacks. My skydiving experience was a HUGE fear that turned into a hallmark experience of undeniable, impossible to explain exhilaration and joy - with a side benefit of new-found bravery!

I don't know exactly what the expansion will look like and I'm ok with that. I'm starting a new training course next week and it's going to be extensive and expansive. I'll be expanding my tribe, my knowledge, my world view and a few more things I can't name right now.

Refining and expanding will include clearing and cleaning out the clutter in my life. I refuse to live small and hidden. In the past, I have dug into the depths to unbury myself in some pretty BIG ways. In 2011, I plan to continue to dig, but with a teaspoon rather than a backhoe - that's refinement. One small step. One spoonful at a time. That's where I believe I'll find the treasures this year. It's like an archeological dig. It's easy to find the giant sarcophagi, but painstaking to seek out the tiny carved buttons. Refine & Expand - there you have it!

If you've chosen a word for the year, I'd love to have you share it here. If you haven't considered what yours might be I invite you to sit quietly and see what finds you. Carrying a word for the year can be a truly magical and "expansive" experience. I hope you'll join me!!

Be like water flowing...

2010-12-29T13:27:00.000-08:00

Water. My word for the year. I began 2010 by taking solo winter walks along the shore not so far from my house. As the year draws to a close, I find myself nestled into a friend's seaside cabin with my beloved husband. Water has greeted me with her fluid mystery and manifested in ways I could never have imagined. My winter vacation included a lesson in surfing and a mesmerizing experience with a sea turtle. Who would have thought that my annual trip to Bermuda (an island surrounded by Caribbean sea) would be traded in for a journey to the Sinai desert - especially in the year of water? I've learned throughout the year to "go with the flow" and as 2010 sails to a close, having rushed by like a flash flood, I find myself grateful for the seas I have traveled this year.

A favorite story crossed my path a few days ago. It is the tale of a man who has the choice between a map and a boat to accompany him on his journey. Choosing the boat, the grand master offers these words - "You are the boat. Life is the sea." Wherever we find our center (our boat), we have the ability to go with the flow, weather the storms and enjoy the immensity of life. My boat has carried me well this year. I've patched it when necessary and provided a new coat of paint or two to spiff things up - always remembering it's very important to care for my vessel! New journeys are on the horizon for 2011 and I look forward to cracking the champagne across the bow as we embark for the new year.

My word(s) for 2011 have already bobbed to the surface. However, today as I watch the mighty wind push the waves across the Sound, water deserves its honor. Stay tuned for the 2011 word announcement!! My prayer, for now, is to continue to be like water flowing and see what fills my cup in the days and weeks to come.

Bullies in Disguise

2010-12-19T09:23:00.000-08:00

Layers and layers of discovery. I move. I rest. I pause. The layers shift and morph. Refining my way toward freedom. Awhile back I had a memory arise and while I’m not sure it’s an actual event, I don’t know why I would have made it up – unless, of course, I needed it to help me with something else.

The scene is pretty precise. I’m 6 years old and in the first grade. I’m in the narrow cloak closet at school and we’ve just come in from recess. I can smell the damp coats and feel someone behind me pressing my face into them. It’s another child, I’m certain. I can’t breathe. A vise-like grip deepens on the sides of my throat – pudgy fingers, I think. My fear tightens as a knee or elbow presses into my spine, stuffing my face further into the darkness of the fabric. The bully tells me to “Stay quiet, or else.” My nostrils fill with the acrid smell of wet wool. I want to scream, but my mouth is buried and the words won’t come. Suddenly, there’s a flurry of activity and the grip releases, the pressure comes out of my back. I’m alone and disheveled in the closet. No real harm, right?

The metaphor to my life is immense. The internal struggles over voice, aloneness and importance are core. They are battles I’ve been peeling the layers off for years. They move and shift and morph. Recently, I’ve had a grown-up bully attempting to put the vise-like grip on my authentic self. (S)he came disguised as someone who wanted my help (which is very seductive for a caregiver.) How long would I allow the knee to press into my back and stifle the scream rising in my chest? It wasn’t until I invited this person to leave that clarity came and I felt the relief of speaking up for what I wanted and needed. The pressure released and I was not alone.

This week in my Advent retreat, we are pondering what it means to say, “Yes.” What is the risk? Will you say yes to your longings? For a moment just ponder the danger of continually saying, “No” to your heart’s desire.

Risk

What does it mean to ask for what I want?

I asked and I received.

Writing. Reading. Creating.

Say Yes!

I asked and I received.

Don’t limit.

Say Yes!

The shadow is the bully.

Don’t limit

My writing, reading, creating.

The shadow is the bully.

What does it mean to ask for what I want?

My Advent Prayer

2010-12-12T09:35:00.000-08:00

Allow me to see the face of this day
Let me enter into each space with intention
Crossing the Holy thresholds
Touching the Ancient stones

Let me enter into each space with intention
Do not allow me to cloud my own vision
Touching the Ancient stones
I will be the face of this day

Do not allow me to cloud my own vision
Crossing the Holy thresholds
I will be the face of this day
Allow me to see the precious face of this day

© Kayce Stevens Hughlett

A Winding Journey

2010-12-06T16:13:00.000-08:00

As I read today's Advent reflection from Birthing the Holy including a poem by Linda Hogan*, I was reminded of a SoulCollage® card I created awhile back. Pulling it out, I began to write and noticed the weavings of this season begin to take shape and offer me this message:

I am one who stands at the threshold.
The cave of death surrounds me - death to past.
The Ancient bones beckon me and tell me to follow my dreams. I am in good company.
If I will raise my eyes to the heavens, I will see the light ahead.

It has been a winding journey - and will continue to be,
but the Ancients are with me and the river is flowing -
"It doesn't look back to where it's been or wonder who ahead of it has polished the rough stones.
It is following the path in its fullness"*
And it's time for me to do the same.

Don't look back.
Raise your eyes and see the expanse before you.
The Ancients are with you. God is with you.
Lift your eyes to the heavens -
to new life.

Anyone There?

2010-12-01T08:06:00.000-08:00

Themes of birth, awakening and mothers float through my mind. Vivid dreams invade my night and wake me like a whisper from my sleep. I roll over, turn off the alarm and sink into that space where dreamland meets dawn. The space between past, present and future cannot be delineated and my earliest memory drifts into now. I am older than one and younger than two. Standing in my crib with an earnest look on my face, I am not crying or distressed. I appear to be reaching, perhaps not with my arms, but only with my eyes. Anyone there? My eyes stretch into the room beyond the recesses of my barred bed and beckon, Anyone there?

Isn't that the question I still ask today? In times of lament, I turn to the ancient lie I tell myself. I am not important. I will always be alone. Was no one there? Sharing my 10 year old brother's room, I wonder if he resented my presence from the beginning. I recall the black eye my mother received when she bumped the door jamb during a nightly visit to me. Would she return again?

So odd, these memories. So very interesting. Anyone there is what I continue to ask today. Will you read my work? Hold my hand? Laugh at my jokes? Kiss my lips? Notice my hair? Anyone there? Are you paying attention? Do you see me? Is it possible I still carry the look of a one year old standing in her crib - reaching and searching for connection. Anyone there?

What are the questions you ask yourself or the lies you whisper when past & present merge?

photo - Paris

Kooky Space

2010-11-29T07:15:00.000-08:00

Advent has begun. I find myself in a kooky space - in a place of expansion and community AND in a time when I am called to simply Be. There's my word again, BE... BEE... The bee is a long-time symbol of accomplishing the impossible. How does one wait in the darkness and shine in the heavens... simultaneously?

I'm called to be in community and I'm called to be in contemplation. I'm called to shine and I long to sit in the darkness - waiting in the shadows - percolating - ripening in the womb. Yes, Advent carries a theme of birthing. Does not the fetus ripen within the womb? Did not Mary say, "Yes" and then wait? We wait. I wait.

Fetish Focus

2010-11-27T08:05:00.000-08:00

DiLoPi writing prompt #9 - Write about a fetish, totem, "blankie" or other centering object that you have a) owned and revered at one time or 2) currently own and revere or 3) that your character owns and reveres or 4) that you wish you owned and revered.

Earlier this morning I was writing about being infused with thoughts or images that pass our way. We don't necessarily know they've even entered our consciousness until they pop out somewhere down the road. Continuing my journaling, I ultimately found myself answering the above writing prompt that recently showed up in my mailbox. Here is what I mused:

Starting my day with news and distractions, doesn't work for me. If I first open up my e-mail, then I'm off down a rabbit trail that often takes me away from a life-giving focus. Even though good stuff abounds - if the computer is my first default - I'm off on the circuitous trail that beckons and pulls. The flashing images are seductive. My iPad and iPod lie next to me and my MacBook is just across the room. Oh my, have they become my fetish?

Oh, the seductiveness of this technology. I curl up in bed seeking warmth and comfort. The devices call to me and promise excitement, community, new information - even devotions. I meet my friends there. My sister - fellow bloggers - the characters in Grey's Anatomy. Christine brings morning greetings and DiLoPi offers writing prompts.

When I'm lonely and bored or wanting to distract myself, I reach for a little piece of technology. I decide it's time to work or create, possibly both together. So, I turn on that glowing screen. For a moment, I choose to pass the beckoning e-mail, but... I know it's there. Just one peek? Perhaps a quick look? I tell myself. And... once I succumb, I've lost my own momentum. A force other than I has taken over and I'm off down the rabbit trail. Minutes turn into hours and ultimately a day. Frustrated with my lack of accomplishment, I turn for the comfort of more surfing. Perhaps just a blog site or two? Maybe a stop by the forum at SCS?

Will I be satisfied? It's a crap shoot - especially when I reach without forethought. I stuff another URL into my brain like stale cookies I can't even taste. I know this, and still I'm like a zombie drawn to fresh blood. The blink of the light. The push of a button. Just one more taste...

My fetish? I've vowed to turn let it go or at least I'm taking back control. I'll choose to curl up with a book instead of my iPad. No e-mail before meditation or morning pages. No infusion without first checking in with there I am! The news can wait 30 more minutes. I'm learning to block the path of the rabbit trail with timers, boundaries & mindfulness. Finding where technology nourishes me rather than allowing it to become obsession. That's often the problem with a "good" or favorite thing. We manage to manipulate it and cross the line into over-indulgence until it turns into something we don't love quite so much. Hmmmm... Gotta stop now and see what my iDictionary says about fetish :)

fetish: any object eliciting unquestioning reverence, respect or devotion

snowy pictures from 2008 - although I'm looking out the window in WallaWalla where it's snowing right now.